On a handful of occasions during my days as a Student Life staffer, I had the distinct pleasure of sitting in the inner sanctum known as Brookings 300 while a bunch of older people I didn’t know made fun of our paper, gleefully pointing out misspelled headlines and instances of half-cooked coverage from eight months before. These people, I found out eventually, were called the Board of Directors, and they had magical powers. They controlled everything that had to do with Student Life-even picking the Editor in Chief!-and they sounded pissed off. That made me a little uncomfortable, as I’m sure you can imagine.
But then, after the Inquisition was over, some of these folks did a strange thing: they took me aside, shook my hand, and said, “You know, Student Life is better than it’s ever been. All the problems you have are exactly the same as the problems we had thirty years ago, and nothing’s going to make them go away.” And like that, poof!, they were gone. They wouldn’t reappear for another six months, at which point the whole process would repeat: scathing criticism, followed by a handshake on the side and reassurance that nothing had changed in the last thirty years.
I buy that.
I spent four years doing Student Life sports, constantly brainstorming new features, story ideas, ways to handle our reporters, athletes to profile, and general editorial approaches to take. And after my four years in the sports section were up, I could safely say that not a damn thing changed. Articles kept coming in late, I kept pulling out my hair over the results, and people complimented me on it anyway. The Board of Directors was right all along.
Sometimes, when I’m in the mood for a little journalistic self-gratification, I’ll go back and flip through all the stuff we produced over the years. Without fail, the most successful material had one common element: Whoever put it together clearly felt like being an ass that day. It could be a volleyball recap, an off-the-cuff Two-Minute Drill or Bullpen, or even a last-minute house ad. Whenever the reader’s gut reaction is ‘God, what an arrogant bastard,’ we knew we had a winner on our hands.
Speaking solely for myself, I can’t say I set out to piss anyone off; it just sort of happened. My freshman year I pissed off the men’s basketball team because I described a David Cerven basket as “an only-in-Division-III dunk that rattled around the rim before falling in.” The next year I pissed off the women’s soccer team because star forward Rachel Sweeney told me in an interview that their head coach was a good recruiter but didn’t really know much about soccer… and I printed it. I pissed off the sports director of WUTV, the entire track team, a professor of anthropology, the sailing club… the list goes on.
Not that it began and ended with me, of course: even this year the sports guys went after a raw nerve-and an especially juicy target by WU standards-when they ran a story pointing out the lack of diversity in the athletic department. You see? Nothing changes. What a bunch of punks. And that’s good news; otherwise they wouldn’t be doing their job.
Why? Because a pissed-off reader is guaranteed to pick up the next issue and get pissed off all over again. Think about the most prominent names in sports analysis: Joe Morgan, Bill Walton, Madden and McCarver. They all make a living of saying things that are some combination of erroneous, indecipherable, exaggerated, and/or blatantly obvious. Their only purpose is to make you want to throw your shoe at the TV in disgust. How much fun would they be otherwise?
It probably says a lot about Student Life sports that, during my tenure as sports editor, our best work came while we were having the most fun producing it. Fleshing out that non-timely column I’d been keeping on the shelf for weeks, planning out the eight-page basketball pullout preview… none of it approaches the column I wrote after the 2000 Super Bowl, in which I took the Rams’ victory as an opportunity to mock Kurt Warner’s incessant Jesus-flaunting. I churned it out in the office on production night while racking my brain trying to think of different ways to provoke people. The result netted me tons of good feedback, and a one-on-one meeting in the office of men’s soccer coach Joe Clarke, a devout Christian. Score one for the jackass.
Hopefully you check out the sports page twice a week and routinely see something that pisses you off. You may think that’s indicative of something wrong with your beloved sports section, but in fact it’s quite the opposite. And nothing’s going to make it go away.
And a brief word of advice to all current and future Student Life staff: the next time you meet with the Board of Directors, they will use their superhuman powers of recall to conjure up mistakes you didn’t even know you’d made, and they’ll sound really pissed off about it.
Take that as a good sign.
Taylor Upchurch was the Co-Editor in Chief of Student Life in 2001-2002.