Archive for November, 2010

Baggage: the Jerry Springer Show, in game show form.

Monday, November 29th, 2010 | Andie Hutner

So I have taken to watching the Game Show Network in my spare time, sometimes. It’s easy fare to watch while attempting to do homework – no complicated storyline to follow like in the episodes of Law and Order: SVU my roommate always puts on. I’m a little saddened that they decided to move Who Wants to Be a Millionaire from the plum 11pm time slot to the much less awesome 1am, but I will deal. Still, I continue to watch the network, and have discovered a terribly wonderful show: Baggage.

I mean, it’s hosted by Jerry Springer, so that says something right away. This show is awful. In every episode, there is a man and three women, so of course the man will end up choosing his dream woman (or next partner, at the very least). But there is a catch. Instead of just getting to know them, he gets to learn their biggest baggage. There are three rounds where they reveal little, medium, and big baggage – their deepest darkest secrets.

The first time I watched, a woman revealed her biggest baggage: she gets paid to be a dominatrix. Seriously? Needless to say, he did not pick her. I don’t understand why this show exist.

Anyway, the man at the end of every episode has to reveal his biggest baggage. In one episode, he slept with his best friend’s girl. In another, he was at a strip club while his ex was having his child. Again, seriously? Best part, the chosen woman, when confronted with his baggage, said she would go on a date with him. Yeah, he’s an upstanding guy. Good for them. I hope they have happy lives together.

Obviously, I view this show with disdain, but it’s still pretty fun. Check it out on the Game Show Network.

A Wildly Uninformed Preview of the Deathly Hallows

Monday, November 22nd, 2010 | Craig Ostrin

I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here. I’ve spent the last three years of my college life defending my total indifference to the Harry Potter phenomenon. Oh sure, I was just as into the series as anyone when I was younger. In fact, thanks to my British uncle, I read the first one before it even came out in the U.S. (which makes me better than you). I ate those books up—right up to “Goblet of Fire.”

That’s when I got off the Potter train. After the fourth installment, it seemed like these books were just following the same formula as they got longer and longer for no real reason. The first three were pretty manageable, but “Goblet” was a monster of a book and frankly, I had better things to read at the time.

Through no desire of my own, I have managed to see the film adaptation of “Goblet” no less than three times. I’m not really sure how it happened, but it did. I’ve also seen movies one, two and six. Having no clue what went on the fifth book, you can imagine I was pretty confused during “Half-Blood Prince,” but hey, my friends paid for the ticket, and the theater served liquor.

Speaking of the sixth movie, my friends say Snape is on Harry’s side, but he did not look friendly at the end of “Half-Blood.” I mean, did you see what he did to poor Dumbledore? Expect a long-awaited showdown between the Boy Wonder and Severus Snape. Harry will definitely be out for revenge.

That said, I don’t think Dumbledore will stay down for long. Expect him to follow in the long tradition of magical grey-haired mentors: if you strike him down, it’ll only make him more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

The real question is, how will Dumbledore make his triumphant return? Will it be a dramatic ride over the horizon with an army of giant eagles at his back, swooping in to save Harry from certain death, à la Gandalf? Or will he appear to Harry at crucial moments, magically guiding him from the beyond, in classic Obi Wan style? I can’t wait to see how they handle the post-Voldemort barbecue celebration in the forests of Hogwarts. Perhaps we’ll even get to see what Harry’s parents look like when their ghosts join in the festivities.

I might be getting ahead of myself here, but it’s pretty obvious that what we’ve seen so far is a textbook example of the Godfather Misdirection Method. Sure, you think Harry Potter’s the main character, because that’s what you’ve been led to believe over the last ten years. In fact, “Deathly Hallows Part 2” will almost certainly reveal once and for all that Dumbledore was the star of the story all along. Trust me, it’s much harder to convey in literature, but once you see it on the big screen, you’ll understand.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the ground Ms. Rowling is breaking here. According to my research, there has never been a gay protagonist in any film ever. So when you’re settling into your seats tonight at the theater, remember that you’re witnessing history being made.

No research whatsoever was done for this article. Please send adoring letters to [email protected] and hate mail to [email protected].

Netflix vs. Hulu, revisited

Sunday, November 21st, 2010 | Percy Olsen

Updated to reflect the $8.99/month to $7.99/month price-drop in Netflix’s Streaming-Only plan

Back in April, Cadenza compared and contrasted Netflix and Hulu on their movie and TV selections and their prices. There wasn’t a clear winner. While Netflix had a bigger database of movies and TV shows, Hulu had a trump card, or something close to it. What was Hulu’s Queen in a game of Egyptian Ratsrew? Timeliness. Hulu only carried three to five episodes of each show, but they were almost always the three to five most recent episodes. Use Netflix to study history. Use Hulu to keep up to date.

But things have changed. In April, Hulu Plus was just a rumor, but then the website officially launched the service in June for $9.99/month. A subscription gave viewers access to the backlog for dozens of shows. When compared to Netflix’s vast resources, Hulu Plus was charging a similar price for less stuff.

Hulu Plus recently dropped its price to $7.99/month – the same price as Netflix’s Streaming-Only option – which makes things more interesting. But little else has changed. You can find nearly all of the shows and episodes on Hulu Plus on Netflix Streaming too, but that extra dollar nothing for Netflix also gives you more shows and thousands of movies. Seriously, Hulu Plus. Where’s Pushing Daisies? Where’s the entire series of Friday Night Lights? Oh right, they’re on Netflix.

Subscriptions to Hulu Plus and Netflix let you stream on the same slew of devices (iProducts, approved televisions, no Android. Never Android.). It’s great that Hulu Plus is stepping out of the non-computer screen, but it’s a shame that you can’t access Hulu Minus on anything besides a computer. I’m sure it’s more the networks’ fault than Hulu’s, but it’s frustrating nontheless.

Hulu is basically a cloud-based DVR that records shows before you even have to ask it to. It’s convenient and free, everything the internet’s about. But Hulu Plus is overpriced and underwhelming, even at just eight bucks a month. My recommendation? Visit vanilla Hulu while it’s still free and enjoy Netflix’s big library on the side.

SEX and SENSUALITY! That grabbed your attention, right?

Thursday, November 18th, 2010 | Davis Sargeant

I try to not sweat the small stuff. If I flunk a quiz, I resolve to study harder for the next one. If the wait for food is long, I never fume at the workers. Nonetheless, some of the decisions that I weigh heavily others might regard as trivial. Take my desktop background as an example. Over the last week, I agonized over whether or not Botticelli’s “Birth of Venus” would offend anyone sitting behind me. After all, Venus stands sans clothes, clearly portrayed as an attractive goddess of love and beauty. I certainly would harshly consider someone sitting in front of me revealed a desktop of a shirtless Talylor Lauten. On that note, I started wondering where that fine line between the artistic value of the human form and cheap desire lies.
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Gleecap: The Substitue

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010 | Steph Spera

Despite Will Shuester being the worst character on television, last night’s episode of Glee was actually enjoyable. It was probably because in this episode, “The Substitute,” Will actually didn’t have to teach anything.

But, last night’s episode contained less musical numbers than usual, and that meant all of them were good. And Gwyneth Patlrow’s take on both “Forget You” and Mary Todd Lincoln – Emmy Award for Outstanding Actress in a Comedy? In the words of Artie, “hells to the yes.”
I’m actually not sure if he has said that, but I am sure he would.
Miss Mary Todd Lincoln

Pros
Baby glee club members!
Artie’s ghetto-fabulousness
The return of Darren Criss as Blaine, and our favorite Vogue magazine cover
Animal Hoarders
Sue’s latest dig on Shue’s hair
Brittany learning the second half of the alphabet.

Cons
William Schuester
The return of Terri
The “sick-baby game”

And lastly, I now present the best mash-up in Glee history.
Umbrella/Singin’ In The Rain
The better bring that waterfall with them to sectionals.

Surprising Beatles News, and Americans Drink HOW Much Natty a Year?!

Monday, November 15th, 2010 | Steve Hardy

Hey, Steve Hardy here, Cadenza’s music editor. Look for my updates on Stratocoaster each Tuesday for the hottest music news (and other fun news too). Today we present – beer and Beatles!

iTunes has been hyping big news to be revealed today, promising Monday on their home page “Tomorrow is just another day. That you’ll never forget.” Wow, that period really lends some gravity to the situation. It’s like a movie trailer featuring Denzel Washington. Anyway, if you believe the Wall Street Journal, Apple has finally bought the rights to the Beatles’ back catalog, so maybe the period is justified.

Although it is not known if the iTunes selection will feature just studio releases or live albums and rarities, this is huge news, as the Beatles are one of a small and shrinking number of major acts to withhold their releases from the online world. Led Zeppelin was the last big classic rock band to put their music on iTunes, and they caved over three years ago.

So anyone who can’t afford to buy all 12 studio albums (pretty much all of us in college) and still doesn’t pirate music (there’s got to be a few out there, right?) now has the opportunity to check out at least the classics from what is probably the greatest band of all time. Check out the Beatles in action below.

In completely unrelated news, Americans drink — are you ready? — a billion dollars of Natty a year. That’s a billion like $1,000,000,000.00. Stratocoaster wants to know if any of that comes from people over the age of 25. What of it, readers? Can you claim some of that billion? Does it make you kind of sick (physically or spiritually) if you do? Let us know in the comments, and check back daily for more entertainment news at The Funcooker.

Oh, hey, it’s the Beatles.

\”Come Together\”

Sights and sounds from Conan’s first week

Monday, November 15th, 2010 | Percy Olsen

Conan’s back (hooray!) and we just published an article commemorating, but mostly evaluating, his return to late night. Hint: he passed. But the article does not contain any of the clips it references. This being the internet, it seems silly to let that slide.

Conan‘s cold open was winky, wacky and sophomoric all at once—the perfect Conan video.

His monologue didn’t impress

It really makes you think, “What is a Tokyo Sandblaster?”

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Half-assed production values remind me of Late Night again

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Julie Bowen evokes something fierce in Conan

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Tom Hanks is given a hero’s welcome

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I think Conan and Jack White hang out on the weekends

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Live Blog of “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” on TLC

Sunday, November 14th, 2010 | Hannah Schwartz

Well, everyone, the end is near. I’m about to watch the premiere of Sarah Palin’s reality show on TLC, called “Sarah Palin’s Alaska”. Join me on this journey if you dare. Don’t forget to refresh the page!

7:59 – I actually feel nervous. This is no joke.

8:00 – It has begun. Alaska is beautiful. That’s the best possible conclusion I can take from this show.

8:01 – It took one whole minute, but she fired a gun.

8:02 – “You can see Russia from here–almost!” So pop culture-savvy.

8:02 – Also, literally vomming at whatever this god-awful theme song is.

8:03 – Haha, her kids tune out the high pitch of her voice, too. And call her Sarah. Piper is totally going to rebel in a HUGE way.

8:05 – Okay, so the guy living next door is writing a book about her, so Todd built a 14-ft fence, and she clearly sees it as an example for what the nation should do with our border. Good, good.

8:07 – I think she just made an unintentional Back to the Future reference.

8:11 – A bear is lunging at their boat–cut to commercial break. Will she be tragically ripped to shreds? We can only hope.

8:15 – She speaks to Todd the same way she talks to her children.  He has no response, basically ever.

8:19 – Another commercial break with the exact same “approaching bear cliffhanger”? Really?

8:22 – A surprising lack of commercials targeted at a specific demographic beyond the normal TLC viewers

8:23 – Her kids are cute, and most certainly smarter than her already: “If we had bears in Wasilla, I would be outside every day with popcorn on a chair. You wouldn’t even need the movie.”

8:26 – She just asked Willow to find some buttons to push. What does that mean?

8:30 – I honestly have not heard Todd say more than three words so far.

8:31 – “Why do I need luck to talk to Bill O’Reilly?”

8:32 – Hahaha, we can only hear her side. Meaning her being constantly interrupted.

8:33 – There is a purple swirly vest and a pink long sleeve shirt being rocked right now. I never thought I’d miss the red power suits.

8:42 – They took an RV to Mount McKinley to go climbing but the weather prevented them, so they went home and then back the next day. Why? Isn’t that the question.

8:44 – Okay, we get it, you like your BlackBerry. My deepest apologies that you can’t take it on the breathtaking glacier with you

8:45 – Sarah and Todd have been together for almost 30 years?!?!?

8:49 – Too. Many. Commercials. Not that the show is particularly riveting, but it’s better than “Sister Wives: Honeymoon Special” promos.

8:53 – In the promo for next week, Bristol says “Mom. Get your prom hair and go back home.” Score.

8:54 – She is handling hiking and climbing this glacier WAY better than I expected, or than I would.

8:55 – In a rare verbal moment, I think Todd just called her “Juicy” as a nickname. Ew. Ew. EW.

8:56 – Okay, now shes screaming and whining and yelling at their random tour guide “I WAS NOT A CHEERLEADER OR GYMNAST.”

8:57 – “I WAS SO COCKY, NOW I’M BEING PUNISHED FOR IT.” I’ll just let that one sink in.

8:58 – “TODDDD!”  His face shows no recognition of his own name.

8:59 – It took her 45 minutes, but she climbed up a small portion of a rock.

9:00 – My roommate is connecting to Sarah because they both pronounce their vowels strangely. Oh no, it’s working…..

YouTube Video of the Week

Saturday, November 13th, 2010 | Steph Spera

With the release of the first of the what-I’m-hoping-will-be-epic two Harry Potter movies coming up in less than a week, here is a video of Dan Radcliffe singing the Period Table of Elements on Graham Norton in front of an amused Rihanna and confused Colin Ferrell.

Brilliant, he is.

Why you Should Fight Tooth and Nail for Diwali Tickets

Thursday, November 11th, 2010 | Davis Sargeant

Diwali, Ashoka’s cultural show dedicated to celebrating the Festival of Lights, is at Edison Theatre this weekend. Friday and Saturday evening shows are sold out, but there are a little over a hundred tickets remaining for Saturday at noon. Why anyone needs persuasion to attend is beyond me, but here are the Top Seven Reasons for seeing Diwali.

7. You’ve got nothing better to do.
Really? You can think of something better to do this weekend than attend Diwali? The “Harry Potter” premiere is next weekend, and it’s not like a few hours less of studying will harm you significantly. Diwali is the best way to relax this weekend.

6. You can brag to the folks at home about how cultured you are.
College has many residual effects; one of them is certainly a higher sensitivity to cultural diversity. Diwali probably gives you a better exposure to South Asian culture than the Indian station in Bear’s Den or watching “Slumdog Millionaire” again (though admittedly it’s still an amazing movie).

5. You’ll fill your quota of lame jokes for the year.
Diwali also features a filler skit between each dance. Last year, the funniest joke consisted of Dopey the Dwarf’s t-shirt reading “Saint Louis University.” Otherwise, the jokes tend to hit the audience like a flat note. Afterward, when discussing the show with your friends, you’ll realize that the puns have a “so-bad-they’re-good” quality, and probably turn one or two of them into an inside joke.

4. Ashoka does a good job giving back to the community.
Diwali is a huge fundraiser for Ashoka, which contributes a lot to St. Louis. Not only do they raise South Asian awareness on campus and the surrounding community through events like Diwali and Holi, they serve Saint Louis through events like Gandhi Day of Service. Your money definitely goes to a good cause.

3. The costumes are amazing.
Before I get flak for being “an insensitive imperialist,” let me specify that a costume is anything intended to be worn on stage. And, yes, these costumes are indeed amazing. As they dance, the colors mesh into a mesmerizing kaleidoscope. Even if you don’t understand dance, like me, you can marvel at the craftsmanship of the traditional South Asian clothing.

2. You know at least 3 performers.
You may be related to Kevin Spacey in six degrees, but it’s a mathematical certainty that one measly degree separates you from someone in Diwali. Come see your friends pull off dance moves you never knew they had. After they amaze you, you’ll never look at them the same way again.

1. It’s fun; I guarantee it.
‘Nuff said.