Student Life Archives

When I was in high school I had a big group of friends that was mostly girls and a few guys on the side. I had always felt more comfortable around girls. Among the sad sampling of guys at my high school, there was always one that stood out to me, though not for his incredible good looks, his witty charm or his amazing physique.

I had a really hard time adjusting to high school and this guy was in a lot of my classes. He followed me around in orchestra and in biology he entered the conversations I was having with others, whether he was invited or not. I was thankful I didn’t have chemistry with him, because he seemed to think we had enough of that already.

At one point, I spread the word I didn’t like him. I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression – I liked him tremendously as a person, but I didn’t think I was ready for a boyfriend, especially someone who seemed a bit too infatuated with me. Plus, even though he made me feel comfortable and made me laugh, I didn’t have an overwhelming physical attraction to him.

After a while, we mastered the art of being just friends. It seemed he had accepted my rejection easily and was done with his romantic obsession. We walked to classes together, joked around and occasionally hung out on the weekends. We were friends with no strings attached – or so I thought.

Following many weeks of hanging out, people started thinking that this guy and I were “together.” Upperclassmen asked me if we were going out, and my own friends questioned the validity of my intentions. Was I leading him on? The complications and interrogations went on for months. Eventually, I thought that maybe I had feelings for this person after all. I never acted on the feelings, but I almost accepted and validated the constant commentary from my friends and family.

I came away from the experience wondering what exactly makes same-sex friendships different from opposite-sex friendships. Besides the obvious anatomical and biological differences, what changes the nature of male-female friendships? Walking through the halls of my high school with my girlfriends wasn’t remarkable, so why was it so incomprehensible that I’d do the same with a guy? I simply treated my guy friend like a person, not a potential hook-up.

All across the entertainment industry, there are examples of men and women attempting to have platonic relationships. These relationships, however, frequently end with flowers and seduction, which seems to reflect a pattern that’s prevalent in today’s society.

Can women really be “just friends” with men? Based on my limited experience, I would have to answer no. I desperately tried to build a relationship that was free from attraction and chemistry, and ended up the target of rumors and speculation. Harry and Sally shared a common love of movies and fine cuisine and ended up in bed and confused.

I think what separates a friend from a boyfriend, or a girl from a girlfriend, is if you recognize the potential for something more. Friends often do seem to stay just friends, but frequently one of the two people looks at the other and realizes that, deep down, there’s more to their friendship.

When couples talk about their marriage, they stress the importance of their initial friendship. When I talk to my boss about how her and her husband got together, she told me they had been friends for years, and had realized that the quality of the time they spent together was irreplaceable. They valued their friendship, but they also understood each other on a deeper level, and their choice to commit to one another reflected their unique compatibility.

I see girls and guys around campus all the time and it’s relatively easy to tell who is together. I do think it’s possible to enjoy someone’s company while not getting attached. I also believe that while gossip and rumors are often false, they do reflect some version of the truth. When people at my high school saw me with my “strictly platonic” friend, they might have seen our rapport in a way I could not. You can see the chemistry between two individuals, even if one of them is oblivious to it.

Male and females can be friends, but who knows what lies beneath the surface. Men and women choose to ignore, or simply be ignorant, to the potential of a relationship arising from a friendship. Eventually, however, there comes a breaking point in an opposite-sex friendship.

There are no paths set in stone, but there are choices. You can either move the friendship to the next level or keep it platonic. Men and women can’t control their attractions to one another, but they can control what they do about them. This is why men and women’s friendships are all too often scrutinized.

Whether I realized it or not, I was making a choice to “just stay friends.” When I walked down the hallway, I was walking with a choice to ignore my emotions, and concentrate on the nonsexual aspects of my friendship. For that very reason, my friendship with the guy could never be the same as my friendship with any girl. Men and women can be friends, but it is a choice that allows for this type of bonding. Otherwise, the sexual impulses and desires that men and women inherently possess can conquer any semblance of friendship.

Moxy Bistro

Rating: 4.5/5
4584 Laclede
St. Louis, MO 63108
314-361-4848
$10-25

Moxy’s Web site prominently features the definition of the bistro’s intriguing name: know-how, expertise, courage, determination and energy. This is quite a bold claim to make when naming a restaurant and, as few eateries manage to live up to such standards, we thought we had better visit the restaurant and see for ourselves whether or not this Central West End bistro was the real deal.

Moxy is conveniently located just off of Euclid, which is only a short car ride from campus. The downstairs seating is intimate, with only seven or eight tables and a sleek, well-stocked, blue and silver bar that gives the room a retro edge. There is a new lounge and bar called M in the upstairs area of the restaurant that features a smaller version of the menu. Also, in the summer there is ample seating outside for those who enjoy people watching on the busy street.

When we sat down at one of the dining room’s silver tables we received our menus and began perusing the exciting dishes. We were given a fresh plate of whole grain farmers’ bread and a delicious bowl of garlic preserved in oil. Our energetic server was knowledgeable about the food and wine offered at Moxy and was extremely helpful in leading us to solid choices.

After a short, happy period of munching on some of the best garlic and bread that we have had in this city, a shower of beautiful dishes descended upon us. The grouper arrived perfectly cooked, flaky in its freshness and wonderfully complemented by a sweet basil sauce and a tart tomato risotto that cut the softness of the fish. The fresh sushi-quality yellowfin tuna was just barely seared and melted easily in our mouths. The deep pink flesh was coated in wonton wrappers and lightly fried, lending a crunch to its otherwise smooth texture, and the sushi rice and wasabi marinade offered a spicy and vinegary yet slightly sweet punch.

Moxy shines at making pasta, too. The butternut squash tortellini came in a browned butter sauce accented with prosciutto and peas and was a big hit. The squash added a sweetness that was well balanced by the light buttery sauce, and the hint of salt from the prosciutto rounded out the dish.

The chipotle maple-glazed salmon was the only disappointment of the night. Though the glaze lent the fish a nice texture on the outside, there was only a slight hint of sweet maple and virtually no spice from the chipotle. The corn salsa accompanying the fish consisted of little more than kernels of the Midwestern grain and could also have used a bit more spice.

Though dinner at Moxy is great it can be a bit hard on the wallet, so definitely try to get your parents to take you when they are in town. Those looking for a great meal for half the price should visit Moxy at lunch. Many of the entr‚es that are on the dinner menu are also on the lunch menu, but at a significantly lower price. The short rib sandwich offered at lunch, for example, is a fantastic bargain at $8 compared to the short rib dinner entr‚e, which goes for $19. Two large, crispy pieces of bread that managed not to melt away into a soggy mess came chock full of mouthwateringly tender beef that had been braised for hours in a sweet yet tangy tomato, caramelized onion stew.

A Thai salad served at dinner as an appetizer was served as an entr‚e during lunch. Though it was a bit more simplistic than we expected, with a relatively boring peanut dressing and few exciting vegetables, the perfectly plump, moist coconut fried shrimp served on top were phenomenal. There are few places where we have tried shrimp as tender and moist as the ones we ate at Moxy.

When looking at the definition of Moxy on their Web site, we were dubious that the restaurant would manage to live up to its claims. We were happily mistaken. Eric Brenner, owner and head chef of the Central West End eatery, has scored a true hit with Moxy Bistro. His numerous accolades speak to his success – in 2006, he received the award for Best Chef by the River Front Times. Brenner also owns the award winning French restaurant Chez Leon, which is located just next door to Moxy.

We have been told ad nauseam that exercise has many health benefits for our heart, muscles and lungs, but what we are learning through recent research is that exercise may also do wonders for our minds.

The theory that exercise does the mind good has been circulating since the time of the ancient Greeks, and now we are getting the scientific evidence to back it up. A few weeks ago, the National Academy of Sciences published a study reporting that people had the ability to regenerate brain cells after participating in an aerobic exercise routine for just three months. Other studies recently published claims that exercise can delay the effects of Alzheimer’s disease as well as reduce symptoms of ADHD and other cognitive disorders.

So how does it work?

The muscle contraction that occurs during exercise sends out chemicals, including a protein called IGF-1. IGF-1 travels through the blood to the brain. Once in the brain, IGF-1 oversees the production of other chemicals, such as BDNF. When exercise becomes a part of a daily routine, the body builds up these levels, which enhances the communication between brain cells. The connections BDNF facilitates between different parts of the brain underlie the process better known to us as “learning.” Thus, because exercise increases the levels of BDNF in our brains, it also increases our ability to learn.

In addition to facilitating learning, exercise helps the body relax and prepare to concentrate for long periods of time. Numerous friends of mine have asked why I never take a break from exercising. The only answer I can ever come up with is, “I can’t.” Frequent exercisers frequently feel antsy if they miss a work out. Although these anxieties may seem unfounded or self-imposed, research suggests there is a physical basis to these feelings. Check out the last week’s Newsweek for a Harvard psychiatrist’s explanation of the physical phenomenon.

The calming effects of exercise are so well proven that many children suffering from ADHD participate in some sort of exercise regimen in conjunction with medication to help stay calm and focused.

Exercise can help you stay on task whether you are in the lecture hall, library, or studio, but will the effects last? While exercise will improve your overall health for years to come, in order to be able to benefit from the mental effects it really is necessary to maintain an exercise routine as you age. The ultimate frisbee games you play now will not do you any good come your 70th birthday if you don’t maintain an exercise regime.

BDNF levels are fairly high in younger people, but tend to decline with age, making it harder to acquire new information and remember past knowledge. Increased learning ability, sustained focus, and prevention of memory loss are just a few new reasons to hit the gym.

If teenage television is any indicator, being popular is the only thing to strive for in those tender teen years. The Fashion Club in the long-lost series “Daria,” the undying admiration of the quarterback and head cheerleader in every sports movie, the short-lived series “Popular,” Regina George in “Mean Girls” or the song “Popular” from the hit musical “Wicked” are all society’s reminders that being “in” is the only way to be. It is the one “course” we all suffered through during our middle school education. Popularity certainly has stereotypes, both in the media and in real life.

The word popular receives heavy battering among the oft-quoted sayings: Oscar Wilde penned, “Popularity is the one insult I have never suffered” and “Everything popular is wrong.”

Sophomore Marianne Rizk defined the word as, “the tendency to get along with and be recognized by a large number of people.” Sophomore Elizabeth Letter saw it differently. To her, popularity is, “how a group of people perceives the accepted and desired qualities in others.” Both of these definitions involve the masses; both have to do with seeing something special, something familiar.

These definitions are not far off the official mark. Jim Reid, professor of psychology, teaches Psychology of Adolescence at Washington University and discusses this subject in class. His understanding is that popular people tend to be the ones we most frequently think of as best friends – the kinds of friends who share some of our qualities and who distinguish themselves in unique ways.

According to Reid, research has shown that popularity is accompanied by certain characteristics. Well-liked kids are likely to be better listeners, open communicators and encouraging of others. Because these people often receive attention for these qualities, they gain the social skills necessary to deal with the crowd that’s harder to convince; in this way, the course of becoming well-liked and learning to be a universally appealing friend is a somewhat cyclical process.

Results from this cycle include a higher sense of well-being, which also feeds back into the confidence required to make new friends.

“Popular kids are comfortable in their own skin,” said Reid. Because of this, he continued, “They are [typically] able to control their negative emotions more.”

Thus, popularity can be seen in terms of a positive, confident attitude. This attitude and sense of ease has a great effect on the natural preferences we give to individuals who qualify as popular. For example, in the case of tall men, who earn more money on average than shorter men, stature is a natural confidence boost and plays heavily into natural judgment.

“Because we give more advantages to the tall guy, he is more confident,” said Reid. The confidence of these men also seems to both cause and result from the glorification of tall men in sports and movies. Popularity among teenage boys is typically born of these factors.

Popularity also has a relationship to early family experience. Popular kids, according to Reid, tend to be securely attached to their parents, meaning they have little to no anxieties about insecure, unstable relationships.

Women typically have a different type of popularity associated with their gender. While the “Mean Girls” stereotype is impossible to escape, it does illustrate the often-made assumption that being a popular female means taking advantage of less manipulative girls and being aggressive in that attempt at domination. The media has had a great effect on this stereotype and can be a powerful influence in the actualization of these stereotypes among adolescents.

These negative connotations are what many often associate with the term popularity, which enters our minds at a young age. Rizk recalled first considering the concept as a fourth grader, when students were allowed to pick teams. For Letter, it was when he realized that certain activities at recess were preferred because of the people playing. Nine or ten is not an unusual age to suddenly have this realization. Children become less egocentric as they gain social experience. According to Reid, adolescence is the time when we harness the ability to see ourselves as others see us. Once we start taking in these judgments, our awareness of what defines or deviates from the norm increases exponentially.

Popularity has been defined by music, clothing and seating in the lunchroom. We can remember these things fondly or not, but they helped decide what separated “us” from the ones we wanted to be.

Aside from the pressure to assimilate what seems to go hand-in-hand with adolescent schooling, is there an instinctive reason for why humans cannot help finding people to idolize and characteristics to emulate?

“Popularity is a desired status,” said Reid, “and as social creatures we are highly motivated to achieve that status.”

As adolescence leaves us behind, the requirements for this task naturally change, as does the perception of popularity. Letter, a cheerleader in high school, dealt with a personal redefinition of the term ‘popular.’

“I realized that being in this stereotypical group didn’t mean I fit those stereotypes,” she said.

Rizk saw the change in her definition of popularity as a part of growing up. “It was realizing that materialistic things don’t matter and that the quality of your friendships was more important than the quantity,” she said.

Given the new definitions that many of us have for the term popularity, it is interesting to see if we still observe it in our current college environment.

“Here, there are still the ideas of defined groups and cliques, but I don’t think [they have] the same kind of ranking that popularity implies,” said Letter.

What characterizes these groups? Letter found that groups are “much more defined by what you wear – wearing designer names. You can tell by the fact that it’s so easy to stereotype the college look, more so than in high school.”

Some may argue that on a campus this size, there’s no way for one popular ‘group’ to take over; instead, popularity takes on a meaning of its own for every student.

In the end, does being popular really matter? There is no question that popularity exists and always will in some way throughout our lives – consider the elections and American Idol. We will continue to need to form relationships with people and break our own personal stereotypes. Does that mean you should renew your membership to the fashion club? That’s for you to decide.

April showers bring May flowers (think newly planted tulips), but on Wash. U.’s campus they also bring out an array of fashionable rainboots. A blast from our childhood pasts, these boots prove themselves to be both trendy and utilitarian. Keep your feet dry this St. Louis spring with a unique pair of patterned boots. Maybe you’ll see your feet here…

Photos compiled by Meghan Luecke: