I’m not entirely sure what I’m doing here. I’ve spent the last three years of my college life defending my total indifference to the Harry Potter phenomenon. Oh sure, I was just as into the series as anyone when I was younger. In fact, thanks to my British uncle, I read the first one before it even came out in the U.S. (which makes me better than you). I ate those books up—right up to “Goblet of Fire.”
That’s when I got off the Potter train. After the fourth installment, it seemed like these books were just following the same formula as they got longer and longer for no real reason. The first three were pretty manageable, but “Goblet” was a monster of a book and frankly, I had better things to read at the time.
Through no desire of my own, I have managed to see the film adaptation of “Goblet” no less than three times. I’m not really sure how it happened, but it did. I’ve also seen movies one, two and six. Having no clue what went on the fifth book, you can imagine I was pretty confused during “Half-Blood Prince,” but hey, my friends paid for the ticket, and the theater served liquor.
Speaking of the sixth movie, my friends say Snape is on Harry’s side, but he did not look friendly at the end of “Half-Blood.” I mean, did you see what he did to poor Dumbledore? Expect a long-awaited showdown between the Boy Wonder and Severus Snape. Harry will definitely be out for revenge.
That said, I don’t think Dumbledore will stay down for long. Expect him to follow in the long tradition of magical grey-haired mentors: if you strike him down, it’ll only make him more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
The real question is, how will Dumbledore make his triumphant return? Will it be a dramatic ride over the horizon with an army of giant eagles at his back, swooping in to save Harry from certain death, à la Gandalf? Or will he appear to Harry at crucial moments, magically guiding him from the beyond, in classic Obi Wan style? I can’t wait to see how they handle the post-Voldemort barbecue celebration in the forests of Hogwarts. Perhaps we’ll even get to see what Harry’s parents look like when their ghosts join in the festivities.
I might be getting ahead of myself here, but it’s pretty obvious that what we’ve seen so far is a textbook example of the Godfather Misdirection Method. Sure, you think Harry Potter’s the main character, because that’s what you’ve been led to believe over the last ten years. In fact, “Deathly Hallows Part 2” will almost certainly reveal once and for all that Dumbledore was the star of the story all along. Trust me, it’s much harder to convey in literature, but once you see it on the big screen, you’ll understand.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the ground Ms. Rowling is breaking here. According to my research, there has never been a gay protagonist in any film ever. So when you’re settling into your seats tonight at the theater, remember that you’re witnessing history being made.
No research whatsoever was done for this article. Please send adoring letters to [email protected] and hate mail to [email protected].