Good evening, everybody! Conan’s back (!) and I’ll be your live-blog host. Check back at 10 for rapid impressions and half-baked theories, and don’t forget to refresh the page!
9:52 – Wallowing in anticipation. Does that even make sense?
9:55 – Please tell me the beard stays.
9:57 – Get outta the way Family Guy.
10:00 – “Last Season on Conan” – what a great way to start things off. Conan’s death dance is hysterical.
10:02 – There’s something disarming about Conan dressed as a clown.
10:03 – New theme song is swinging! Hello, Andy Richter, nice to have you back.
10:04 – Baa Baa Blackmail. I guess there will be titles now.
10:04 – Conan looks so happy. La Bamba!
10:05 – Obligatory string dance pleases audiences everyone.
10:06 – Andy Richter in the flesh! And we’ve reached our first TV Executive impression. “He’s out! Get another Conan!”
10:08 – NBC bashing, followed by…the robot?
10:09 – Check out that big moon in the background. Conan terrifies women.
10:11 – The masturbating bear really spices up your ho-hum lottery drawing.
10:12 – So glad to see that Conan still bows when introducing his guests.
10:12 – “Ehhh, internet! Ehhh, Darth Vader!”
10:13 – Commercial thoughts: Will Leah Michelle duet with Jack White?
10:14 – Unstoppable: Speed on a Train
10:17 – Why doesn’t Conan always wear an eye patch?
10:18 – Fun fact: Jack McBrayer was an intern on Late Night with Conan O’Brien back in the day.
10:20 – Should’ve been an “Ex-Talk Show Host” for Halloween. There’s something unnerving about Conan wearing a Conan mask.
10:21 – Ricky Gervais is on. “Hi Conan. I’m really sorry about what happened at TBS, but I’m a huge fan of the Food Network, so good luck there.” What a good friend.
10:23 – Team Lopo is the world’s saddest concept.
10:25 – 25 minutes in and there have been a lot of commercials. I hope this doesn’t turn into a trend.
10:26 – You know what has a nice ring to it? Jimmy Vivino and the Basic Cable Band.
10:27 – What? The Nutcracker Lady won? “You’re the first guest on Conan. The most important person in history!” sung in the background.
10:29 – Who has a more iconic laugh than Seth Rogan? Also: Conan is tall.
10:31 – Seth Rogan’s proposal-story fits him perfectly. I hope it’s real.
10:34 – Seth Rogan has mastered the art of “guilt-driven karate”.
10:35 – Solid first guest. Maybe would have preferred someone classic like Norm McDonald or Will Arnett, but Seth Rogan was pretty good. He seemed really nervous, though.
10:38 – I guess I shouldn’t expect too much from commercials on a basic cable late-night show, but wow. These are boring.
10:39 – I wish the real moon wobbled.
10:40 – Lea Michele compliments Conan’s hair for “reaching new heights.” But then it comes close and she recoils in horror.
10:41 – Wait, hold on. Are you wearing a dug-up flower patch?
10:42 – Conan de-sexifies the GQ pics with a pale-faced high school pic.
10:44 – A great smelling truck crash. What a weird story…
10:45 – I think Conan just said, “We’ll be right…Jack…White!”
10:49 – Oh, George Lopez. I might touch that dial.
10:49 – Conan has a guitar!
10:50 – With a matching shoulder strap!
10:50 – Ladies and Gentlemen, The Red Stripes. I wish Jack White was everyone’s musical guest always.
10:51 – Look at Jimmy Vivino shred.
10:52 – Conan lets out a “Yee-haw!” then rocks out with Jack White. Conan, it’s clear now. We’ve missed you so much.
10:54 – The AT&T commercial with the train ticket and the presidential inauguration is sneakily complicated.
10:57 – “Still want more Conan?” Always.
10:58 – Conan seems to like talking to Jack White more than any other guest tonight.
10:59 – That was fast, Conan. It’s good to have you back.
11:00 – That’s a wrap, people! Change the channel before Lopez Tonight makes your eyes and ears bleed.