Editor’s Note: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.
As the Danforth University Center, soon to be better known as the D.U.C., rises out of the ground, we must not forget the one fixture that is universally adored by all Dan. U. students: the Bunny. Our wonderful, beloved, underappreciated Bunny.
I recently had a conversation with the Bunny (he talks to me in my sleep), and let me tell you, he is not too happy about the quack student center coming to campus. Although the Bunny is the centerpiece of main campus, he gets no respect. There’s the bear thingy outside the Athletic Complex, but no one cares about that. And now, there’s a D.U.C.
“Every time a tour group walks by I start to cry a little,” said the Bunny. “They aren’t talking about my history with the Dan. U. campus anymore. All I hear is ‘D.U.C. this’ and ‘D.U.C. that.’ It’s gotten so bad that the tour guides don’t even talk about the campus squirrels anymore. I am one sad wascally wabbit.”
As the D.U.C. nears completion, students can’t forget their old affections for the Bunny. He’s been threatening a hunger strike if the D.U.C. continues to get all the attention.
I don’t know about you, but I just don’t think he’ll be able to last through a hunger strike. He’s already stringy and malnourished.