AnaElda Ramos | Illustration Editor

“I’m a second-semester senior and I’ve never been in a relationship. I’ve also never had sex, and I technically had my first kiss, but it was with my 4th-grade “boyfriend.” I feel so behind, and I feel like I’m missing out on a major part of the college experience. It makes me doubt myself, and I feel too old to have not had my “firsts.” Is it too late for me?”

– Stressed Senior

Dear Stressed Senior,

You are not alone in this experience whatsoever. It feels like every corner of music, movies, social media, and even conversations amongst friends are about relationships, hookups, dance floor makeouts (DFMOs), and sex. It can be suffocating. It also makes it seem like all of those experiences are happening all the time — to everyone else. That is not an accurate picture.

There are so many people in your position, feeling pressured to “check boxes” on a made-up timeline. It’s hard to not let all that noise affect your perception of self. In reality, though, there is no timeline, no right way to “do college.” Maybe you are waiting to make these experiences really special, or maybe the opportunities just haven’t yet presented themselves. Regardless, it’s okay.

The college timeline is arbitrary and not at all a reflection of you. You cannot let a fabricated idea of what “should” happen change the way you view yourself. Frankly, a lot of social ideas around sex and virginity are steeped in creepy archaic traditions, rather than in any legitimate reasoning. As outcast as you may feel, you need to disconnect your self-worth from your sexual experiences. The two are not tied!

A relationship is also not a marker of happiness or self-fulfillment. Plenty of people who are having sex or are in relationships struggle with confidence, feeling socially behind, or other insecurities. The romantic and sexual experiences you feel that you are lacking are not the solution to feelings of self-doubt and undesirability. Your relationship status does not determine your value.

Sex is also not an integral part of your college experience. You have accomplished so much here and you should be proud! Decouple your sexual milestones from your other life accomplishments — you’re a whole person outside of your love life.

Furthermore, the end of college is not the last time you’ll have the opportunity to experience new things. Your life is literally just starting — there is no way for you to be “behind.” So go forward with confidence. Know that you’re hot, sexy, attractive, and desirable. Carry that into the rest of the semester and out into the world, and you’ll check those imaginary boxes when the time comes.

Try not to get hung up on the sex you think other people are having, and remember that your experience is more common than you’ll ever know.

Your Sexperts,

Scene