Illustration by Brandon Wilburn

If you object to Lil Dicky as a problematic artist, you don’t care for his particular style of music, or you’d just rather not go to WILD for any of a multitude of other reasons, the Scene staff recommends some alternate activities for your Friday night. We promise you’ll have just as much fun as the sweaty masses in the Brookings Quadrangle.

Go to Sauce Magazine’s Food Truck Friday! One of my friends RSVP’d to this on Facebook a couple weeks ago, and my first thought was “Really? She’s going to skip WILD for this?” Ah, ignorance is bliss. The things I know now. As an alternative to WILD, Food Truck Friday is about as good as it gets. I went to one over the summer and it was amazing. Food, friends and, most importantly, dogs. So many dogs.
—Aidan Strassmann, Managing Editor

Sit in your dorm room watching Lil Dicky music videos instead of going to WILD because you don’t feel like walking to the quad or being crushed and surrounded by 500 people. Or listen to another artist. Or just play some dance music. In fact, just have an impromptu dance party with your friends in your nice calm dorm and then get take-out.
—Andie Divelbiss, Staff Writer

Go to Baileys’ Chocolate Bar! Created by the same team behind student favorite Baileys’ Range, this concept restaurant is a wonderful place to test out if you are looking for a night-out vibe that does not necessarily involve alcohol. Various desserts and cheese boards are the only two food options on the menu, making for a unique and uber-classy dining experience. While all of your fellow students are getting trashed and searching for their next grinding partners, you could be munching on a blueberry lemon trifle or a brownie bombe. Instead of having rowdy youngsters spill their drinks all over you on a congested dance floor, lay back inside the cozy, sensuous environment of Bailey’s and (if you are 21 or older) order a cocktail at the bar. If you are accompanied by your friend, lover or some combination of both, I recommend trying out the “Lovers’ Plate”—a “carefully curated” selection of petite sweets that will make you remember why chocolate is often considered an aphrodisiac. ;)
—Maisie Heine, Staff Writer

Sit in Bear’s Den and enjoy the silence. The only other time this humble abode is ever still is between 3 a.m. and 8 a.m., so enjoy the rareness of this event. Sit in every booth one by one and revel in the freedom. You win this day. You are king of the Den. Move all the chairs to one table and wait for everyone from WILD to walk in. They’ll be forced to sit around you, and you’ll have a front row seat to the aftermath of arguably one of the most shamble-y events on campus. Make sure to bring some popcorn.
—Katy Hutson, Staff Writer

Hang out with the architecture students. At the last WILD I attended, my friend used her swipe access to the art school so that we could go to the bathroom. As I ran giddily through the halls without a care in the world (other than my pressing need to pee), I glanced through a window and saw a roomful of architects working with their typical levels of focus and stress—it could’ve been any time, any day of the week in that room, while mere yards away in Brookings Quad, the rest of Wash. U. partied it up. If you’d like to experience the total opposite of the WILD environment, but still maybe use that snazzy Social Programming Board filter for your Snapchat story, venture into the architecture students’ lair and marvel at their dedication.
—Hanusia Higgins, Senior Scene Editor

Go to the Missouri Botanical Gardens! Now that it finally feels like fall outside and the leaves are starting to turn, this is a great alternative to the crowded, loud quad back on campus. Additionally, this weekend, the Botanical Gardens are holding the Best of Missouri Market, which will host over 120 regional farmers, bakers, woodworkers and jewelers, as well as farm animals and pumpkin decorating. Soak up the autumn vibes while you can!
—Elizabeth Grossman, Copy Chief

Wistfully scroll through the list of better artists from WILDs past. (We missed A Tribe Called Quest? And Outkast???)
—Aiden Blinn, Contributing Writer

Just do your laundry. You and I both know you have to do your laundry. So, just do it. Also, I know what you’re thinking: No, I’m definitely not projecting my to-do list onto you.
—Jeremy Goldstein, Copy Chief

Watch baseball! The MLB postseason is underway with a full slate of Division Series games Friday. The fun starts with the Houston Astros and the Boston Red Sox at 2 p.m., followed immediately by the Cleveland Indians—and likely Cy Young Award winner Corey Kluber—versus the New York Yankees at 5 p.m. The Chicago Cubs start their World Series title defense at 7:30 p.m. against the Washington Nationals. And the world’s best pitcher, Clayton Kershaw, starts for the historically good Los Angeles Dodgers at 10:30 p.m. Friday is the only day of the playoffs with four guaranteed games, and it’ll be 12 hours of endless excitement.
—Rohan Gupta, Senior Sports Editor

Study for your midterms. We’re in prime exam time, and there’s no better way to convince the world that you’re a cool kid than to ace every single one. Plus, your favorite study spot in Olin Library will surely be open.
—Elena Quinones, Contributing Writer

Stay in your room like the recluse you know you are, and listen to the bottomless wellspring of fantastic albums that have come out in the last week or so. Weird punk rockers can dig into Pere Ubu, Protomartyr and TWIABP! Fans of bleeps and clicks can dive into the new Four Tet, Iglooghost or Ben Frost projects! Your more lupine flatmates would be interested in the new albums by Wolf Alice and Wolf Parade. If you’re the angry type, seek out Primitive Man or Street Sects. Anarcho-communist tendencies? Godspeed You! Black Emperor has the album for you. The point is, a lot of great tunes have been released recently, so missing out on WILD doesn’t mean that you have to miss out on (better) music.
—Ethan Jaynes, Senior Online Editor

Play a board game. Yes, you can play a board game as a college student. You really can, and not just Cards Against Humanity in your dorm room the first weeks of freshman year before you have any more interesting evening plans. Enlist some friends to play a round of the Game of Life or Monopoly or something. Or—and this is even better—you can play a game on your phone by yourself. My personal favorite are word games (duh, I edit a school newspaper!), but you could honestly just sit in bed and play Candy Crush while eating a pint of ice cream, if you’d like. With your phone in your hand, your game options are almost endless.
—Ella Chochrek, Editor-in-Chief

Twiddle your thumbs! Thumb-twiddling is seriously underrated. The way they follow one another, locked in an infinite circular chase with no end in sight—it’s mesmerizing in the same way that watching a dog chase its tail is. What’s the point? What would one thumb do if it somehow caught the other? What does it say about you that you’re literally asking these questions about two digits which are entirely under your control? It’s a blast! Or, at least, it’s probably better than going to the concert.
—Sam Seekings, Senior News Editor

Take a nap! Instead of getting really drunk and going to an overcrowded concert to listen to a mediocre artist, just get some sleep. I know you’ve got a sleep deficit going anyway, so why not use the opportunity of an empty campus to catch up on sleep somewhere fun? Go exploring and take a nap in the third floor of Jolley Hall or in one of the armchairs in McMillan Hall. You can even hang out with your friends first and then nap, instead of making bad decisions at WILD. Just make sure to hydrate so you don’t wake up from your nap with regrets.
—Josh Zucker, Design Chief