I never thought I would be the type of student who struggles with transitioning to the college environment. I viewed WashU as my soulmate in a way, my perfect match. This past summer, I fantasized about going above and beyond with every assignment and how my professors would praise me for my productivity and talent. 

Well, I think it’s safe to say that after a semester here, that is not the case. I struggled at the start of the year with managing the amount of readings my humanities classes assigned, and I didn’t know how to keep up. I then suffered through midterms where my anxiety controlled my life.

I remember sitting down for the first Intro to Psychology exam, unable to control my pounding heartbeat or shaking hands. It continued for the rest of the day, bringing my anxiety beyond the exam room. I couldn’t sleep through the night and woke up multiple times in a sweat and was unable to return to sleep. 

When I got my exam back and saw I got a C, I felt like I failed the version of me who was so desperate to prove herself to this school. More overwhelming was the fear that I wouldn’t be successful in my future if I didn’t achieve an A in the class.

From the second we enter the education system, we are taught that the better you are at school the more successful you’ll become, and GPA serves as the tyrant dictating it. The further we see ourselves sliding away from the 4.0, the more we feel we’re falling behind in society.

But I will say, as many have said before, that our grades do not determine our success in life. GPA does not show grit, it does not show character, it does not reflect who you are as a person.

Even though it is easy to write this, it is hard to implement the mindset within the life and culture here at WashU.

To actively escape from grade fixation and its dangers, we must find our motive by asking ourselves why we are in a class and what value it brings to our future. 

My reflection on Intro to Psych was an interesting process. I took the class because I thought it would be like “Criminal Minds,” and even though the class let me down in that aspect, I  can still implement things I’ve learned to my other studies and writing. This is worth more than an A or not having taken the class at all. 

If we take the time to push past the anxiety and stress from a difficult class by pinning down what it means to us and our future, we may find that it’s a little less serious than we originally thought.

So, with the semester coming to an end and grades soon becoming official, take a deep breath. Grab a coffee with a friend, journal, watch your favorite movie — do whatever self-care looks like for you, and remember your worth is far beyond the grade report.