Forum
Dear Wash. U. Admin: Give us a break
I am not okay. This is my last semester at Washington University, and it has been by far the most challenging one of my college career. I am living alone for the first time; I hardly see my friends; I am constantly afraid of losing someone close to me, of contracting the virus and of unknowingly spreading it to someone else.
At the beginning of the semester, I was excited for the classes I enrolled in, but it has been so difficult for me to enjoy them. I can hardly get through the average of 400 pages of reading I am assigned a week. It has been a struggle for me to find the energy or motivation to leave my apartment, even when the weather is nice. I find myself stuck on my couch, unable to do more than watch Netflix, scroll through social media and order takeout that I can’t afford.
It’s hard for me to admit to these realities because this isn’t the real me. I am an ambitious, motivated, bubbly and optimistic person. If it wasn’t for my therapist (that I have the privilege to afford and who is unaffiliated with Wash. U.) I wouldn’t have realized that I have been experiencing burnout since the beginning of October. I used to find joy and comfort in writing, but I don’t even have the energy to do that anymore. My energy to write this comes from a place of desperation and anger. The only times I can restore a bit of peace or joy in my life are when I don’t do my readings for classes or when I fail to hand in assignments on time, or skip them altogether. It is in that time that I have the chance to do absolutely nothing but be with myself and live for myself.
I am constantly living with anxiety, fear and stress. I began the semester with the intention of finishing out my college career strong and focusing completely on my academics. I realized just after the first week of classes that this would be nearly impossible to do without sacrificing my sanity or my dignity, as I was being asked to become a robot that churns out assignments and the only way to do that successfully is to desensitize myself from the world.
The thing is, I am not just a student. I am an organizer, a writer, a person of color, a daughter, a leader and most importantly a human being. Like so many of my peers, I am so angry with this reality, in which property and profit are prioritized over people, public servants murder Black people without any justice, and power-hungry governments bomb and starve innocent civilians to claim authority over them and their land. I am doing my best to take action and to be a part of the change to create the world I want to live in. But I have run out of tears. I am exhausted. I do not recognize myself anymore. And what makes me even more angry is that you, the administration, can’t even give us a break.
If there was ever a time that we needed a break, it is during this pandemic—not to mention the genocide of Black people, police brutality, the economic crisis, deaths of family and friends, high unemployment, the eviction crisis, families struggling to put food on the table and I could keep going, but I won’t. My point is that you, the Wash. U. administration, have proved to be spectacularly and dangerously detached from the campus community. This includes not just students, but also professors, faculty members and staff, who have all been struggling in different ways.
We should consider this fall semester to be the first trial run of what I project to be a series of pandemic semesters. While I am not the first to recognize and truly appreciate the many victories the University has claimed this semester over the pandemic—in particular with testing—many of the protocols and procedures put in place were not even satisfactory in managing what should be the institution’s number one concern: mental health. We had zero breaks this semester and our “Thanksgiving” break is only two days, one day less than usual. So many of us are perplexed as to why we are given fewer breaks under such unprecedented stressful conditions.
The recent spring semester plan further proves how detached you are from the community and its needs, given that you have granted us two “wellness days.” What a slap in the face. No matter the intentions behind this plan, the effect and its consequences are just plain insulting and inconsiderate. It is clear that not enough students’ voices were heard and genuinely considered in the planning process for the spring semester. I am confident that there are many students that are willing to contribute to these conversations in an effort to make the semester as manageable as possible for everyone.
I beg of you to go back to the drawing board and reconsider the spring semester plan. Please center the mental health of the community. If the University wants to prioritize academics during a pandemic that is understandable, but please do not expect students to perform even satisfactorily without considerable mental health support. This semester I found that the more consistently and frequently I took “wellness days,” the better I felt. Based on my personal experience and suggestions from a few dozen students, please consider weekly wellness days or restoring a spring break after which the rest of the semester is remote, in tandem with reliable and accessible mental health support as basic necessities for the spring semester. Weekly online therapy sessions have been my absolute saviour as one of the few things to keep me afloat this semester. I am begging you to hear me and consider what I am suggesting seriously because I know I am not alone in my experiences.
Personally, my professors this semester have truly been amazing in consistently assessing individual students’ needs and the class rapport, changing the syllabi to adjust to our changing needs, adjusting their expectations and being flexible with deadlines. Without them, I most definitely would not have been able to get through the semester with grades that represent my true academic abilities.
We all need more breaks. I’m tired of getting emails from faculty members and administrators telling me to take care of myself and to rest. It is time the University invested in a mental health program and put forth a protocol that is considerate of its students, faculty and staf