Aliana Thompson | Staff Illustrator

Dear Scene, 

I can’t stop myself from texting my ex-situationship. Every day, I am pulled back into this vicious cycle, and I can’t help myself. Please, please, please tell me how to stop reaching out once and for all. 

Kindly,

Delusional 

Dear Delusional, 

You are simply a moth drawn to a flame, blameless in this terrible system that is casual romance. Maybe you are madly in love with this individual, or you’re just not over how things ended. Either way, your situation is quite understandable and relatable. You have bridged the first step to recovery: admitting you have a problem. 

If your boo is replying and you keep falling into a repetitive trap, slipping back into unlabeled land, then all you need is a moment of self-reflection. Of course, it will take some time, but ask yourself why this situationship even happened. Is it the person you want? The validation? Or the company? If it’s the person, let yourself fully go through the break-up. I know what you are thinking: “Well, it is not a breakup because it wasn’t official.” I don’t care. Let yourself feel every feeling, cry, watch “The Notebook” while eating ice cream, and rant to your friends — it is healthy. 

As for the validation, find an emotional nicotine patch to quit getting validation from romance. Find a campus crush, talk to someone you like, or get a celebrity obsession (Hudson Williams is right there). It does not have to be romantic; you might end up with a new friend and develop fulfilling platonic dynamics. I’m not saying it will be easy, but you have to start taking back your life and step away from someone who is bad for you. 

If it’s the company you are craving, please just find someone else. Believe me, you can find another person to fill that void. Get Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, whatever floats your boat. 

If your not-so-significant other is ignoring or begrudgingly communicating with you, then it is time to get real, rip the band-aid off, and be honest with yourself. First things first, what even is a situationship? Is this some failed talking stage that you can’t let go of? A friends-with-benefits gone wrong? Or something that was only casual for the offending party? If so, reframe. This was not a situationship but just a dead-end, which is okay. We need rejection to grow. If it did not work out, it was not meant to. 

Maybe you have already tried everything. Somehow, you have attempted every sane option to sever this toxic attachment, and it has not worked. Well, it is time to cringe. Every time you are tempted to send an impromptu message, just picture the other person receiving it, turning to their friends, showing their screen, and getting a collective groan. You are the groan-inducer, the “omg-why-are-they-still-texting-lol-so-embarrassing” of someone’s life, and you need to stop. Pretend that you are the main character in a TV show, and everyone is turning their face away from the screen every time you reach out to That Person™. Cringe yourself out of your own actions. It might sound bizarre, but just soaking in the imaginary embarrassment avoids doing it in real life. 

Truthfully, there is no one way to get over a person. Whatever your unique situation is, let yourself be human. There is so much pressure to move on that it becomes nearly impossible to do so in a healthy way. Trust one thing: You will not get over them if you keep them in your life. You have power, use it. 

Your fellow romantics,

Scene