Anna Dorsey | Illustration Editor

It can be difficult to celebrate Valentine’s Day in a long-distance relationship, whether it’s state lines or oceans that separate you from your special someone. While you’re not quite alone for the holiday, you’re also not getting the quality time that we all need from our relationships, and that can be tough to navigate.

Regardless, Valentine’s Day is a chance to celebrate someone you love dearly, to make your partner and your relationship feel special. Making that celebration a reality from a distance is often no simple task, but there are some general tips you can keep in mind to make the most of it.

Celebrate Valentine’s ON Valentine’s

For many people who are long-distance with their partner, and especially for busy college students, it might be tempting to “reschedule” the celebration for some day when you both have a bit more time or when you can physically meet one another.

In short, your relationship is not office hours; while it can be a logically sound idea to push off your Valentine’s plans for a later date, it is almost inevitable that you, your partner, or the both of you will be left feeling a bit neglected come Feb. 14.

You might fancy yourself immune to the social pressures and norms that the rest of us follow, but somewhere along the way you’ll be reminded of what day it is: a passing couple, an Instagram post, or a flyer for some weird PG-rated Valentine’s event in the DUC is bound to give you at least a little tinge of guilt.

This doesn’t mean you can’t plan some other great date for the next time you see your long-distance partner, but that you should have something celebratory happen on the 14th so that the two of you can feel you’ve had your fair share of the holiday.

What exactly should you do on the day? There is no one-size-fits-all answer. A phone call probably isn’t enough. A three-week trip to Paris is probably too much. There’s no shame in perusing Google or Pinterest to get some ideas, but I would argue your best bet for planning a successful long-distance Valentine’s is a dedicated, patient conversation (or several) between the two of you.

However, I do not recommend that every component of your Valentine’s Day comes from that conversation. There is much to be said for the importance of a good surprise.

Surprise surprise!

One of the essential tools for maintaining a relationship, far or near, is a good old-fashioned surprise: flowers, a home cooked dinner, a planned-out date night, or a shiny little trinket always seem to do the trick. This can also be perfect for your long-distance Valentine’s plans, but you should carefully consider why surprises are so effective in the first place.

Some people are simply inclined to love a big surprise; the “WOW” feeling is fun, and that may be enough on its own. But not everyone likes a big surprise. For some, that “WOW” feels more like “OH GOD,” and what you intended as a thrill is instead a stressful, overwhelming moment for them. Recognizing which of these people your partner is might be easy, but if you’re not so confident there’s rarely harm in having a conversation about it.

If you know your partner isn’t prone to liking surprises, it’s tempting to pre-arrange and pre-approve your Valentine’s plans to avoid disaster. But here’s my recommendation: Whether your partner adores giant surprises or absolutely dreads them, you should do something unexpected for them on Valentine’s Day. It could be as huge as fireworks spelling their name or as tiny as a teddy bear that fits in their palm (though these options are both painfully cliche), but it should be something they genuinely do not anticipate, as well as something they will actually enjoy.

To pleasantly surprise someone you need to have thought carefully about what they enjoy, to have dedicated time and effort toward arranging the surprise, and to have done so without being asked or expected to. A well-tailored surprise demonstrates forethought and compassion in a way that anticipated moments cannot.

As an aside, it can really help your surprise plans to have an agent on the inside: a close friend, roommate, or other confidant who can help coordinate the surprise without spoiling it for the target. This is yet another reason you ought to start planning your surprise well in advance; if you ask last-minute, it’s not likely that anyone will want to help you.

Stay in your lane

This is applicable for any relationship, but spending Valentine’s Day far away from your chosen valentine can make it extra difficult to avoid pitting your relationship against those around you to evaluate whether you’re doing the right things.

You might feel that other couples, especially those who get to be together in-person, have something magical and fulfilling that you lack. Or perhaps you feel some false sense of superiority because you and your partner are oh-so-perfect and the rest of these fools could never understand your unbreakable bond (don’t be this insufferable, please). The reality is most likely neither.

A holiday centered on romance tends to exaggerate people’s insecurities and inflate their delusions, so remember that your relationship is bound to be different from anyone else’s — not better or worse, but different. Comparing yourself to others is often a dangerous game, and this can be especially true when it comes to romance and relationships.

Separation from your valentine can make it difficult to feel like you’re doing enough. If you find yourself feeling lost or overwhelmed, take a breath. Lean on your support systems, whether it be your partner, your friends and family, or elsewhere. Plan ahead, think carefully about what makes your partner happy, and be authentic. To love someone from so far away can be such a beautiful thing, and it is well worth celebrating (I love you and I miss you, Gigi). Good luck, and Happy Valentine’s Day!