David Wang | Student Life

Hi Scene,

I walked in on my roommate having sex with his girlfriend. She screamed, I screamed, it was very awkward. I feel like it needs to be addressed, but also don’t really want to talk about their sex life! 

– Scarred Suitemate

Dear Scarred Suitemate,

I’m picturing it. Walking through the dusty residential college hallway on the way to my room, coffee in one hand and an overflowing backpack draped on my shoulder. Opening the door to my room, excited to crash into my bed and procrastinate my College Writing paper for a couple more hours. 

“GET OUT!!!!!” I can just hear my roommate scream. In a flash of white sheets, glistening gold Trojan packets scattered across the floor, and crumpled Calvin Klein boxers (I won’t expose the color), I slam the door shut. Racing down the hall, my footsteps echo as I sprint across the underpass, heading to the only safe place I trust for some peace and quiet. Olin Library. I guess my College Writing paper needs to be written after all!

Welcome to college, Scarred Suitemate! I think you (or maybe us both) have just described the vivid nightmare that almost all college students have been conditioned to accept as a sort of ritual. The high-pitched scream, the door slam, and the nonchalant small talk the next morning about your mundane homework assignment are all necessary components.

On a real note, I’m sorry that you had to experience that. While eventually amusing to look back on, I trust it was a very uncomfortable experience, and you deserve the right to have boundaries in your own home. It surely is easier to go the traditional way and relinquish the memory into nothingness, as most of us do, but that’s only putting a bandaid over a more serious, and possibly recurring, experience. 

I’m sure you know what I’m going to say. Communication is your best friend! But truly, it does go a long way. Telling your roommate that there needs to be a line of transparency between you two is the only way to avoid any further embarrassment, on both sides!

I’m not saying your roommate and his girlfriend can’t be alone in your room. But being communicative about how you’re sharing the space will be the most helpful next step. For example, take turns on which nights you’re asking the other person to leave. Ask your roommate to plan ahead on which nights his girlfriend is sleeping over and whether he could sleep over at his girlfriend’s on the others. That way, you know exactly what evenings your room may be occupied. If he wants her company spontaneously, ask him to shoot you a text beforehand. Sure it may still be annoying, but it’s better than being blindsided by an awkward encounter. You could even have a DND sign (or signal, like the classic sock) on your door if one of you needs a physical reminder of when your room is busy.

Sharing a room with someone, especially someone you might not know well yet, is hard. Many people have been in your shoes and have learned to overcome the waving tides of anxiety and discomfort in having these difficult conversations. As long as you’re communicative each day and set boundaries about situations that absolutely cannot occur, you will probably realize both you and your roommate are willing to make compromises to enjoy your shared space. You can preserve your friendship and live a comfortable life!

It’s easier said than done. But it’s worth a shot and definitely worth starting a conversation. We’re rooting for you.

Your neighbors,

Scene

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