Elliana Lilling | Staff Illustrator

Yes, you signed your roommate agreements when you were still civil — pretending to be nice, polite, and far too gracious. Back then, you hadn’t been jolted awake by your roommate stumbling in at 2 a.m. or learned to press your ears flat to stifle their unique snores. After a month, it might seem like you’ll join the legends of roommate horror stories. Here are some ways to confront it, because work-life balance includes boundaries with your housemates: 

1. Suitemate group chat 

The group chat is a delicate minefield — whether it’s filled with fun party pictures, civil texts, or nothing at all. A text lasts forever, and your grudge might somehow last even longer. You can’t keep pretending that the strands of hair stuck on the shower walls aren’t there.

Remember to think through what you send to this group chat — digital footprint is real. You never know if a screenshot of your words exists in another group chat, speculating. So, don’t sound passive-aggressive. 

Instead, be blunt but kind. “Hey, can the next person grab the trash next?” is better than a passive-aggressive, “Guys, let’s take the trash out right away when it’s full.” Everyone makes mistakes, and saying it directly is better than tiptoeing — especially in front of other people (who share a bathroom). 

2. Inviting guests over 

If you’re impromptu bringing a couple of friends over — briefly, of course — and don’t want to text your roommate because it’s just a hassle and there’s no way they’re in there (right?), it doesn’t hurt for you to keep your friends at bay while you run inside and check. 

There’s always a chance your roommate is being … human — changing, sleeping, or crying into a pillow. None of which are group activities. A 10-second courtesy check can save everyone some awkwardness. 

3. Thin walls 

You’ll hear doors creak, a one-sided FaceTime call, and bass-boosted 2013 playlists as your lullaby and morning alarm. Maybe other things.

It’s tempting to silently roll your eyes and complain about sleep deprivation to your friends. Instead, establish the good practice of just asking before turning on the music or participating in other loud activities. 

I sleep in until the last moment in the morning, but my suitemates like to get up early and take their time with their morning routine. But since telling them I regularly wake up half an hour later than them, they always text before bringing out the speaker — not just the mornings, but all the time. Everyone wins. 

4. No one wants to deal with a drunk (or high) person, really 

The “college experience” smells a lot like weed and alcohol. But you don’t have to join the pilgrimage of parties and hangovers. It’s not that deep — especially if you’re an international student. Whether you’re participating or not, if the Resident Advisor shows up, you’re getting written up too. 

Boundaries here are tricky. You don’t want to sour your relationship and not be cool by outright saying you would prefer to keep intoxication out of your living space, but being sober with drunk people trying to be cool sucks. And I have no answer to this. 

I’ve seen people lie about their intoxication to their roommates. No, they aren’t high, and no, they definitely don’t smell it (or maybe it’s our suitemates — not me!). 

But it is annoying if you’re the sober roommate having to read the room to see whether they had a fun party. Did they have fun? You can relax. If not? You’re the sober one, holding your breath so you don’t step on their sour, drunken mood. So partygoers and more, if you make a mess — metaphorical or literal — clean it up. 

5. Maybe … I’m the problem?

If you find everyone around you annoying, doing something wrong and rude, the common denominator may be you. And there’s no shame in that; you can still right the wrong, but check in with your roommates to see if they want to talk about anything. Even if your friends tell you you’re in the right, there are still two sides to every story. 

Roommates aren’t perfect, and neither are you. But, maybe, just sometimes, it’s not that deep. Be straightforward with the problems and graceful about annoyances. If something bothers you, say it — whether it’s a quick text or a short chat. Don’t start avoiding your room; you paid for it (or maybe WashU does), but it’s still yours, and it’s your right to be there.