Diya Gupta | Contributing Illustrator

For many of us, college is our first time living with a roommate. Contrary to popular belief, you and your roommate don’t need to be the best of friends. However, you need to be able to coexist in the same small dorm room. Here are five tips to find that balance of being friends but also having clear boundaries.

Talk about issues before they become grudges. 

We all have pet peeves. It’s normal. It’s human. But when those annoyances become an issue is when we allow them to fester in our minds. If your roommate always eats your food and never asks first, isn’t it better to resolve the issue sooner rather than later? I’m sure we’ve all experienced annoyance at a roommate, and our first instinct is to run and tell another friend. It’s important to have a conversation about boundaries with your roommate and only your roommate unless the issue becomes too big for you to deal with alone. Once you’re honest with your roommate, you may learn that they didn’t know their actions annoyed you. If your roommate loves to watch Netflix at full volume while you are trying to fall asleep, you can bring up the possibility that they watch their show in the common room or use headphones. With a suggestion to solve this issue, you can avoid a large disagreement later on. By being honest, you are also opening an opportunity for your roommate to be honest about your actions that have been annoying them, because as highly as we may sometimes think of ourselves, we all have our odd behaviors. 

Keep your side of the room tidy.

We’ve all had those days where we’re rushing out to our first class in the morning and don’t have time to perfectly make our bed. Or when we’re feeling stressed during midterms and our laundry starts piling up. College can be a lot and our biggest priority isn’t always making sure that our living space is tidy. But messes can, and will, build up. It can feel overwhelming to clean when you have dirty laundry everywhere, homework pages scattered around the room, and old water bottles that are nourishing their own ecosystems. This mess is also unfair to your roommate who is putting effort into their cleanliness and likely doesn’t want the sight of rotting food to greet them after a long day of classes. While a little messiness is normal, it’s important for everyone living in a room together to respect the shared space and clean up in a timely manner. One way to keep this mess under control is to start cleaning sooner rather than later. Instead of pushing your laundry to the next weekend, an easy solution is to do your laundry during a homework night at the dorm. 

Plan beforehand when bringing friends or partners over. 

Hanging out with friends in the dorm can be a great way to unwind after a long day of classes or get ready before a fun night out. But the importance of informing your roommates and suitemates can’t be emphasized enough. Whether it’s one friend or 10, sending a quick text asking for permission can help avoid many disagreements, and it’s simply the respectful thing to do. No one wants to walk into their dorm after bombing a test (as I’m sure many of us have) and face 10 people blocking the path to their bed. As for bringing romantic partners into the dorm, the same rules apply. A quick text asking for permission and giving a heads-up can save everyone from a lot of awkwardness. For both friends and partners, it’s important to be mindful of the time of day as well. Perhaps midnight isn’t the best time to be kicking your roommate out of the room or inviting your whole friend group into the room. 

Have honest conversations with your roommate rather than debates.

As I’ve mentioned throughout the earlier tips, conversations with your roommate are THE most important thing to prevent arguments and drama. But they need to be just that: conversations. While you may want to practice your debate skills, roommate discussions aren’t the right place. It’s important to listen to understand your roommate’s feelings and opinions rather than to “win” the argument. The outcome of these conversations shouldn’t be all or nothing; there is always a solution that both roommates can agree with, but in order to find this solution both sides need to be honest with each other about their feelings and what they want. For example, if you and your roommate are having a disagreement about different sleep schedules, instead of trying to make your roommate completely conform to your schedule, you could buy a dimmable lamp or complete your homework in the common room while they are asleep. 

Gain some independence from each other.

While it can be easy to just hang out with your roommate, it is important to branch out and meet other people as well. Spending some time apart will allow you to grow your own interests and for your roommate to explore theirs as well. Make sure to join clubs or student groups that interest you and make connections in those groups. Dinner together in Bear’s Den twice a week or a trip to the mall on the weekend are ways to ensure that you are making time for your roommate, but that you are also expanding your social circle.