Libel 2016
Former AD Quitman discovered wandering around corn maze in central Illinois
Less than a month after leaving his position as Washington University’s athletic director for ostensibly the same title at the University of Illinois, short-time Bear Joe Quitman was found to have been trapped in a corn maze for the last three weeks.
The discovery came as an initial shock for those who knew him best at Wash. U., but after some consideration, both athletes and coaches alike suggested Quitman’s corn adventures fit with his recent pattern of odd behavior.
“I mean, he said he was leaving an awesome sports school for one that finishes next to Rutgers University in conference. Rutgers!” Wash. U. football coach Jerry Bindbom said. “It only makes sense that he wasn’t intending to go to U of I, after all.”
Others suggested that Quitman might have been planning to enter the corn maze all along as an escape route from the stresses and rigors of the AD position at a premier Division III school.
“Not everyone can handle it,” Saheel Pateel, a former assistant in the athletic department, said about the AD job. “I mean, look at the last guy to do it. [Former AD Don Stale] began the job looking young and ended up leaving with hair as white as snow.”
Quitman replaced Stale in the summer of 2015, promising to bring enthusiasm to the position and to boost attendance at Wash. U. sporting events. When he arrived on the Danforth Campus, Quitman called Wash. U. a “destination job,” but he fled St. Louis just 18 months later. (That part isn’t made up.)
At his introductory press conference after being named the new AD at Illinois, Quitman identified U of I’s dismal track record in all Division I sports, especially football, as a big selling point. While two different Wash. U. teams have won at least four championships in a row, Illinois sports have won just three national championships total since the 1950s.
But it appears that even U of I’s poor record couldn’t calm the stresses of the job enough for Quitman to handle, and he was finally spotted in a corn maze in the central part of the state toward the end of March.
Student Life tracked Quitman down in the middle of the maze to ask the former athletic director about his recent decisions. When asked if he had gotten lost on his way to U of I’s Urbana-Champaign campus or if simply navigating a corn maze had been his plan all along, Quitman insisted on staying focused on the task at hand.
“Left, left, left,” he muttered to himself. “Keep going left and you’ll get out eventually.”
Student Life then asked Quitman if the pressure of overseeing the construction of Wash. U.’s new Sumers Recreation Center and a presidential debate was too much, but he didn’t answer.
“Left, left—just turn left,” he repeated instead.
On the Danforth Campus, meanwhile, construction continues apace on the extension to the Athletic Complex, and traffic remains perpetually backed up on Big Bend Boulevard accordingly. Interim Director of Athletics Justa Carousel assured Student Life that construction was still on schedule, and at worst, it wouldn’t approach Delmar Loop trolley levels of community disruption.