Hot and heavy horoscopes

Horoscopes for your WU future

Ignoratio Elenchi | Professional Thruthsayer

Fan fiction of the Week: ‘Wustl-bunne: What could have been’

Night has fallen on the kingdom of Fontbunne. Just a wee territory in a sea of bigger fishes, it slumbers restlessly.

Shady Buttson | ~RawrXD~

Some sports, ranked from least to most strenuous

Considering it is our main to write about them, we have some opinions on sports. Here is a ranking of some sports that we like, ranked from easiest to hardest.

Sports Staff

Skinker resigns from editor-in-chief position, becomes UK prime minister

Slam Skinker, Student Libel’s former editor-in-chief, resigned from the position this morning at 3:37 a.m. following his appointment as the United Kingdom’s new prime minister.

E-lame-a Quinoa | Editress-in-Chief

‘One-Percenters Anonymous’ discuss privilege, want more

In a recent triumph of the free press, Student Libel successfully went undercover as a member of “One-Percenters Anonymous,” the most exclusive group on campus. Well, as exclusive as a group of one-percenters at Washington University can be.

Jaden SatenQueen | Unemployed

Washington University suspends all Greek activities

Washington University Campus Life called for the temporary suspensions on any organization with Greek letters and placed the Department of Classics on probation Friday.

Adeko Drakesmanski | Senior Bodie Correspondent

‘I don’t speak broke’: Wrongton, wearing AirPods, addresses divestment

Maintaining that the protestors calling for Washington University to divest from fossil fuels have “no drip,” Chancellor Mark Wrongton announced that the University will not change its investment policies.

Whancellor Chrighton | Staff Reporter

West Campus named most beautiful campus in US by Niche

Citing its “exquisite modern facilities” and “quaint on-campus craft shops,” the university rankings website Niche named Washington University’s West Campus the most beautiful in the United States Thursday.

Seekiswag McBrit | Director of Swag

University responds to student concerns, will also convert Holmes Lounge, Brookings Quad into office space

Beginning in the fall semester, Holmes Lounge and Brookings Quad will be no longer be available for student usage. These transitions come in light of the closure of the Gargoyle and Mallinckrodt 100A in February 2019.

Thotiana JD, PhD | Staff Reporter

LeBron James Jr. commits to Wash. U, pledges to win championship then leave

In a shocking turn of events, LeBron James Jr., son of LeBron James, son of Delonte West, has committed to play basketball at Wash. U.

Hootie Jonas | Hot Take Haver

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