Michael Bay is set to direct an upcoming trio of Aquaman films with Channing Tatum set to star as the titular piscine hero. When asked about why he wanted to direct, Bay was quoted as saying “Everyone says you can’t make an explosion look cool underwater… I intend to prove them [fish-based expletive] wrong.” The casting added, of the lead actor, “We chose Channing because he looks good with his shirt off; our choice has nothing whatsoever to do with his acting ability.”

Universal’s dedication to the franchise has sparked a wave of anti-Aquaman sentiment from comic fans and everyday moviegoers alike. The first group is outraged at the apparent change in Aquaman’s costume, which in the comics was an orange…scaly…thing, and later replaced in a gritty reboot with a psychologically disturbed, harpoon-handed, and gritty superhero who is gritty. Forsaking both traditions, the upcoming film will feature a shirtless Channing Tatum.

Everyday moviegoers seem to think this is a bad premise for a film. One randomly interviewed man outside a theater said “What the fuck is an Aquaman? Is that a thing? What are his powers again?… to talk to FISH?! Hell no I’m not seeing that movie, I could buy drugs with that $10.”

The plot is said to be set in the summer of 2010, and will feature Aquaman combating the downfall of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig using his notable powers, talking to fish and swimming really really fast. It is unknown how the plot will resolve itself, because fish can’t survive an oil spill of that magnitude, and Aquaman probably won’t be able to breathe oil.

Currently, there haven’t been many details released, but already anticipation for this film is at a tepid pitch. Channing Tatum encourages everyone to see the film “Remember, the plot is going to be awesome…but also I’m going to be shirtless…ladies” The release date is set for Summer 2012, unfortunately several months before the expected end of the world.