Embarrassed. Regretful. Humiliated. Head coach of the newly recognized varsity Jive team Susie Pirouette searched for enough adjectives to describe her most recent mishap in front of disappointed media members and fans last night.

The moving sidewalks present at many airports around the world will be coming to Washington University in three months. The sidewalks will not only allow students to quickly and safely make their way across campus in less than seven minutes, it will alleviate the need for students to actually worry about walking in order to make it to class.

Washington University has announced that the Jive Dance program will become the University’s 15th varsity athletic team. Many of the existing varsity programs expressed concern about allocation of the existing athletics budget to the dance team. Jive head coach Susie Pirouette hoped to quell any concern about fiscal irresponsibility.

Members of Washington University’s Green Action club have teamed up with the Earth and Planetary Sciences department in an effort to solve global warming and create enough weeks in the year to accommodate a “Green Action Week” in the academic calendar.

This year’s graduating Washington University football stars are expressing their discomfort with the current labor situation in the National Football League. With the current tension between NFL owners and the former NFL Players Association, some potential draft picks are concerned that they will lose their rookie seasons to the lockout.

This Sunday, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inducted Rebecca Black, awarding her the honor of “Worst Song of All Time” for her single “Friday.” Black joins the ranks of such esteemed artists as Joan Jett, Patti Smith and Tina Turner. “We weren’t expecting it at all,” said Black’s mother, Georgina Marquez Kelly.

“Video games” to most, “interactive entertainment” to some, or “ludios” to a few pretentious nerds in the back corner of Whispers—whatever you call it, this young medium has finally taken its first step out of the cultural ghetto.

While other board game-themed movies have floundered and failed, “Hungry Hungry Hippos” will stand as a paragon of filmmaking for years to come.

I kept my program from St. Broderick Middle School’s production of “Hamlet.

I know this review is slightly late, but I had been put off vampire films for ever after watching the big-hitter, “Låt Den Rätte Komma In.” It was with a lot of anxiety that I picked up the DVD. The brooding, menacing face of Robert Pattinson was slightly off-putting.