Reid Kellermann | Staff Illustrator

Dear Scene, 

A girl I live with always brings my only sworn enemy at this school over to our apartment. My roommate knows our bad history and brings her over every week regardless. I have my own room so I usually just vacate the premises, but I find it really annoying and frustrating, especially because my roommate knows that this girl has done/said evil things. Is there anything I can do?

– Apartment Exile 

Dear Apartment Exile, 

You are certainly not alone. I, too, have faced the distressing realization that WashU is one of those universities where everyone knows everyone. And if you don’t know someone, you know someone who has had class with them, has lived with them, has made out with them at a party … the list goes on. It’s no shock for a roommate to occasionally or accidentally bring home a nemesis of yours.

You, however, have a roommate who knows the enemy status of their friend and still brings them into your living quarters, which is a bit jarring. It seems like you’ve told them about what was said and done and how much it bothers you. 

But sometimes, there’s a difference between venting about a person and setting a boundary for them not to come over. Have you tried addressing your sworn enemy being in your apartment? If not, it’s time for a proper roommate debrief! 

Your apartment is your home away from home for however long you will be living there. That means that you have a right to enjoy the space just as much as your roommates do. Students study in their own apartments, as well as cook there, and of course, sleep there. When you’re unable to feel comfortable in your own apartment, you might become skittish, anxious, and resentful.

Speak up before the resentment settles in. Sitting down with your roommate and talking about how uncomfortable their friend’s presence makes you feel gives you a chance to voice your feelings, and hopefully, your roommate will be receptive to that. It’s worth telling her that it’s interfering with you being able to stick around in the apartment. 

Maybe even suggest a compromise. Are there times in the day when you know you will be out, either for a class or a club, and they can get together in the apartment while you are not home? Maybe there’s a specific day of the week that can be surrendered to allowing the enemy in. Ultimately, you should not have to sacrifice your comfort for someone who has brought harm to you, but living with another person means meeting each other in the middle. 

It’s crucial to consider that having this friend over might mean a lot to your roommate, and depriving her of all time with them might brew trouble between the two of you, making it more difficult to continue living together. Perhaps your foe’s hangout session can be confined to your roommate’s bedroom. Sometimes, letting them spend time together in a space that doesn’t interfere with your day might feel healthier than you hiding in your room. 

At the end of the day, you don’t have to be friends with your roommate. But you do have to keep living with her. Negotiating the time that this enemy spends at your place might save you a lot of stress and could even save you from an unnecessary argument. 

Your fellow housing warriors, 

Scene