Anna Dorsey | Contributing Illustrator

As the famous saying goes, you are what you eat. If that’s the case, what could the presidents of our country be eating that makes them the way they are? Spoiler alert: Presidential diets are far from normal. Former President Obama was known for eating seven lightly salted almonds before bed. Ronald Reagan was a jelly bean fanatic. Richard Nixon consumed cottage cheese, pineapple slices, and a glass of milk before resigning from the Oval Office.

In the name of curiosity, I decided to follow the diets of our two most recent presidents for a weekend. On Friday, I spent the day following Joe Biden’s meal plan, and on Saturday, I tackled Donald Trump’s. This weekend was a flurry of cooking, ordering out, and subjecting both myself and my stomach to some weird food combinations. Let’s just say I was more than happy to return to BD after the weekend was over. Here’s how it went.

Breakfast:

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but it’s unclear if either of these presidents agree.

President Biden often begins his morning with a hearty bowl of Special K, a grain cereal chock-full of dried strawberry bits. While a bit dry and cardboard-esque, the chunks of strawberry provided some flavor, making it a decidedly normal breakfast choice. Former President Trump, however, often skips the meal entirely. I had an early work meeting that morning and that, coupled with a lack of food, made me wonder how on earth Donald Trump was able to run the country on an empty stomach. 

Although the President and Former President differ in their breakfast choices, both have a distinct morning beverage of choice: orange Gatorade and Diet Coke, respectively. As an avid non-consumer of both beverages, it made for an odd start to each morning. 

Overall, breakfast was the easiest meal of the weekend by far. Other than the fact that I’ve never consumed Diet Coke or Gatorade at 8 o’clock in the morning, the food choices were solidly normal. The same cannot be said about my other meals. 

Lunch:

Joe Biden’s diet is often described as being akin to that of a child, featuring simple and nostalgic comfort foods. Although this sentiment didn’t make much of an appearance at breakfast, it definitely began to show during lunch, when I had to consume a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I had just spent Fall Break backpacking and eating PB&J tortillas every day, so I wasn’t particularly inclined to eat yet another variation of the playground favorite, but alas. Similar to his breakfast, the sandwich was inexpensive, easy to assemble, and dry as cardboard. I washed the entire thing down with yet another bottle of orange Gatorade.

While President Biden seems to follow a fairly structured meal plan, Former President Trump appears to do quite the opposite — often not eating for up to 16 hours at a time. Unfortunately, I get way too hangry for that to be sustainable, so I prepared the meal he eats on days he decides to have lunch: steak, a side salad, and another can of Diet Coke. Sounds fairly normal, right? 

I have to say at first, the prospect of eating a steak for the first time in a couple months was quite exciting, until I learned how he likes it prepared. Trump opts for an extremely well-done steak slathered in ketchup. Against my will, I cooked up a steak that curled at the edges and begrudgingly dipped it in his condiment of choice. It took me upwards of five minutes to chew a single morsel, and my only reprieve was the side caesar salad that I had snagged from BD. Why someone would purchase a great cut of meat only to ruin it like that is beyond me, but hey, who am I to judge? 

Dinner: 

Dinner is where things really started to get rough. President Biden continues with his childish eating streak, opting for a dish of angel hair pasta and red sauce. While simple to prepare, it lacked a decent bit of flavor, color, and general variety, which seems to be a theme of his diet. 

Contrastingly, dinner is where Donald Trump truly indulges. According to Corey Lewandowski’s book “Let Trump Be Trump,” dinner for the former president is typically a well-orchestrated McDonald’s feast. His average meal includes two Quarter Pounders, two Filet-O-Fishes, and a chocolate shake. He washes the entire meal down with more Diet Coke. 

I honestly cannot even begin to describe how affected I was by this meal. I started with the Quarter Pounders, both topped with raw onions, ketchup, and pickles. I then continued on to the Filet-O-Fishes, but had to stop because I could feel myself getting ill. Three hours later, I consumed my final Filet-O-Fish, and washed the entire thing down with a medium chocolate shake, and more Diet Coke. 

In addition to following both presidential diets, I decided to recreate two recipes from candidates on the Democratic ticket: Tim Walz’s “Hot Dish” and the Harris family’s bacon-fried apples.

As a native Californian, I can’t say I’d ever had a hot dish before, and after this experience, I cannot say I will be having another. Tim Walz’s infamous hot dish was a huge conglomerate of tater tots and cream soups and sausages, all encased in cheddar cheese. To be frank, it did not look incredible, but in its defense, I was working with the resources of the Dauten kitchen, and I was missing some potentially key ingredients (notably, beer and celery). Taste-wise, it wasn’t as bad as it looked, just a whole lot of cheese (I wouldn’t recommend it if you’re lactose intolerant).

Contrasting with everything else I’d eaten this weekend, Kamala Harris’s bacon-fried apples were a welcome start to my Sunday morning. Originally introduced via her series “Cooking With Kamala,” Harris details how her mother used to make bacon-fried apples as part of their pancake breakfasts. With only two real ingredients and some optional additions, it was simple to put together, fairly inexpensive, and actually tasted like something I would eat in a normal meal. 

All in all, I cannot say I learned much from this experiment other than this: No amount of money can force someone to eat well. Although it didn’t make me sick, the lack of variety, flavor, and general excitement of Joe Biden’s diet made for an uninteresting and bland day of eating. Donald Trump’s meals of excessive fast food and intense amounts of Diet Coke, on the other hand, spurred both an upset mind and stomach, a sensation that I have no desire to return to anytime soon.