If you’re like me—which means you’re uncomfortable and awkward in social situations—you probably know how difficult it is to come up with a good comeback during conversation. This is most frustrating when the conversation actually matters—when someone is attacking a subject dear to your heart and you cannot, for the life of you, come up with a counterargument. Personally, this happens to me most frequently in discussions on feminism, especially when people tell me they’re not a feminist. So I’ve compiled a list of handy arguments that you can have at the ready to shut down anyone who says they’re not a feminist.

I’m not a feminist because…

I don’t believe sexism still exists.

Why do you think that?

Women attend college more than men.

While that’s true, women are still mostly enrolled in the humanities and social sciences, whereas men tend to pursue science and business, leading to a gender division.

But there are a lot more women in the workforce than there were in previous decades.

However, men and women, in general, are directed to different fields. This is one of the main factors in the gender wage gap. The average woman makes significantly less than the average man. Also, while more women are working, not nearly as many men are stepping out of the workforce to take care of the family, leaving women to effectively perform two jobs.

But nothing is legally holding them back from achieving in the workforce.

Well, you’re right. But just because there is legislation preventing formal sexism doesn’t mean sexism doesn’t exist. Sexism is so pervasive and subtle that you may not even notice it. For example, an employer may be more inclined to hire a man over a woman because it is less likely that he will need time off for his family.

I believe in equality, but feminism is a strong word.

What do you mean?

All feminists are man-haters.

Well, that’s just not true. A major aspect of feminism is in fact men, and feminist discussion often includes masculinity and its role in society. Of course, there are feminists who are misandrists, but they are a very small minority of the women who identify as feminists.

But I still don’t want to be associated with them—it’s too extreme.

Like everything else, feminism is a spectrum. Just because there is a subset of feminism that you don’t necessarily agree with doesn’t mean you’re not a feminist if you believe in gender equality. Think of it as similar to a religion; there are extremists in Christianity, such as the Westboro Baptist Church, but that doesn’t mean a non-extremist group is non-Christian.

If you agree with gender equality, you are automatically a feminist. That’s how it works.

I don’t believe women should be superior to men.

Neither do feminists.

Well, “feminism” has “fem-” in it, which means “woman.”

When the word feminism was first crafted, it was developed from the basis of “femme,” which does mean women. This is because, in the early 1900s, women were the ones striving for gender equality. However, the word has never implied the superiority of women to men; the formal definition promotes the equality of genders.

Okay, but that’s not how it is in practice.

The only reason feminism seems to purport that women are “superior” to men is because there is a much greater focus on how women are a lesser class in society. This means that it is women who have to gain more rights in order to be equal to men. If it were the other way around, as it is in a few situations (for example, traditional masculinity dictates that men show little emotion), there is a focus on increasing the acceptance of men in relation to women. The ultimate goal is equality, but to get to that point, there needs to be a distinct focus on uplifting the oppressed gender.