Valentine’s Day is coming up, and Student Life’s annual Sex Issue is out. As part of the sex survey, students submitted stories of the embarrassing and funny sexual experiences they’ve had. Senior Scene Editor sophomore Olivia Poolos and Managing Editor senior Isabella Neubauer brought our best stories to the next level by dramatically reading them. Join us as we delve into WashU students’ most embarrassing, most interesting, and funniest sexual stories. Theme music by Jordan Coley.

You can also listen to this week’s episode of Editor’s Note on Spotify or Apple Music

This episode contains explicit language and sexual content.

OLIVIA POOLOS (0:15-17): “I made my hookup read the giving tree after.”

ISABELLA NEUBAUER (0:18-0:22): I feel like that implies a lot about the hookup.

OP (0:23-0:30): Oh shoot! I just got it. Yeah that’s rough. There’s so much emotion in those seven words right there.

IN (0:31-0:40): “One time between rounds with a one night stand, I decided to ask this guy about his major — which turned into a detailed explanation of linguistics. Classic WashU.”

KAMALA MADIREDDI (0:41-1:42): That was Senior Scene Editor sophomore Olivia Poolos and Managing Editor senior Isabella Neubauer. The stories they were reading were submitted to Student Life’s annual Sex Issue survey. Join us as we delve into WashU students’ most embarassing, most interesting and funniest sexual experiences.

I’m Kamala Madireddi, and you’re listening to a special edition of Editor’s Note, Student Life’s weekly podcast breaking down our biggest stories with the reporters and editors that covered them. 

Over the past few weeks, 939 Washington University students filled out the sex survey and shared stories about their sexual escapades. While the Student Life sex issue makes an appearance every February, this year the submitted stories did not dissapoint. Poolos and Neubauer brought our best stories to the next level by dramatically reading them for your listening pleasure.  

OP (1:43-2:58): “I went home with a guy I had been seeing for a while one night. We had only been together at my place before but his roommate was gone (we thought), and we went at it. We had been partying and were in a wild mood. After sex in the early hours I went to the bathroom, but naked with a hand between my legs to stop the leaking form of our escapades. In a hurry I opened the bathroom door not realizing the roommate had come home and stood there peeing. Clumsy me slipped in a surprise attempt to turn and ended up bringing the roommate down with the fall. Obviously there was some screaming, and my date came running to find out what was happening. There I was on the floor with one unknown guy over me and nothing on him other than underwear down at his knees and another guy naked staring at us. My first time naked with two men. The shock of silence did not last long and we burst into laughter. The next disaster was realizing I had hit my butt pretty hard and had problems standing. They had to help me up and into the shower. The following day I had a heavily bruised ass and limped. They were good sports though,  and we are all good friends today. I was embarrassed for a while and it was a bit hard to explain my injury, but a fun memory today.”

That was a wild ride.

IN (2:59-3:07): Gotta say looking at that and immediately my eyes went to the laughing emoji with the “my first time naked with two men.” That’s not the way I thought the story was going to go.

OP (3:08-3:18): Not at all. It seemed really embarrassing, but the way it was written was very casual like that “I was naked and…” Very open about what was going on in that sexual experience.

IN (3:19-3:24): Very glad that that went well. There’s so many ways it could not have.

OP (3:24-3:34): It takes a special kind of person to look back on that, ‘like hilarious.’

The next one: “My mom walked in while I was riding my partner’s face.”

IN (3:35-3:49): The next story is… “I once hooked up with someone in our other friend’s apartment. In the morning their dad was getting ready for work and saw us naked on the couch.”

I mean embarrassing. I would never look at that man again, the dad.

OP (3:50-3:56): I feel like in the theme of embarrassing sex stories, parents walking in on people is a common theme.

IN (3:57-4:14): “I was working with a group of students for a project we had, and when I pulled out my computer, the smut that my best friend and I were writing was on full display in my Google Drive.”

That’s hilarious. My worst nightmare. Actually, not to incriminate myself, this wasn’t me, but this has happened to me.

OP (4:15-4:19): Did anyone read what you were writing or was it just, like, click immediately away?

IN (4:19-4:28): Click immediately away. When my computer broke in freshman year at STS and I took it in, and they opened it up like…

OP (4:28-4:30): Oh that’s rough.

IN (4:31-4:59): So I’m going to read these two together because I am pretty sure they’re the roommates who submitted them together so:

“Once I fucked my roommate while our other roommate, in the next room over, happened to also be getting railed by the exam he was taking.”

And then the next submission, which I assume is the second roommate.

“My friend and I were having sex while our other roommate was taking an exam in the next room. He kept coming in and knocking to give us updates.”

OP (5:00-5:08): That is crazy! I can’t decide if the third roommate is on a really good life path or totally messing up. 

IN (5:09-5:14): “My ex bought a handcuff as a sex toy, the airport security thought she was going to kidnap someone and took it away.”

OP (5:15-5:51): TSA has no imagination clearly.

“Me and girl were in the second floor showers in Louderman. We were getting into it until we heard the door open. We freaked out and stopped, planning to wait out the person who walked in. We hear the bathroom stall close, and then the man drops the fattest shit I have ever heard. Concussive farts, I was worried for the guys’ gastrointestinal health. He left after around five minutes and we just left. Shockingly listening to someone take a shit really kills the mood.”

I feel like it’s a cautionary tale, for having sex in public showers if you don’t need some already.

IN (5:52-6:12): “My boyfriend was using my vibrator on me and my roommate walked in so we just turned off the vibrator, left it inside of me, had a full-on conversation with them, then kept going once they left.”

Honestly I’m impressed that you could want to keep going after having a full-on conversation with someone else in the middle.

OP (6:12-6:16): Also: adaptable, appreciate that part of it.

KM (6:17-6:29): Getting interrupted during the act isn’t the only source of embarrassment for students. Submitted stories also showcased students’ creativity and the dangers that arise with certain, well, acts…

OP (6:30-7:03): “One time, I was at the Target and had a real hankering to engage in an act of sexual intercourse. So, my S/O and I decided to sneak in the freezer and proceeded to have sex on the Jack’s brand pizzas. In a turn of events, my you-know-what was temporarily frozen to the aforementioned pizza, rendering it useless for a short time.”

First of all, great storyline, has a punchline. Really appreciate it, but also like what is it at Target that makes you horny? Like why at Target and why on the Jack’s brand pizzas?

IN (7:04-7:13): I feel like my thing with this one is the fact that they wrote an act of sexual intercourse and then censored, the next time that they said, the word sex with an asterisk. 

OP (7:14-7:18): Also, I feel bad for whoever has to unknowingly eat that pizza.

IN (7:19-7:25): Next story short and simple: “Had sex on a church lawn at noon on a Sunday.”

That’s when service happens! 

OP (7:26-7:32): I don’t know if that counts as work on God’s day, but I guess they probably aren’t too concerned with [that].

IN (7:33-7:41): “I was going to suck dick and when I touched it there was an electric shock.”

The logistics of that mystify me; I love it.

OP (7:41-7:44): Clearly there was a spark though.

IN (7:45-8:02): “I was in the washing machine and the door closed mid sex, boyfriend’s penis equals stuck.”

The guy that had his penis stuck in the washing machine submitted that story in last year’s sex issue. I remember this story from the other perspective.

OP (8:02 – 8:05): Oh my god. It seems much worse from the other perspective.

IN (8:06-8:16): The next one: “Period sex ended poorly, fear — blood.”

I feel like that’s something you would know about yourself before you went into it that you have a fear of blood. 

OP (8:16-8:26): Or that the other person would communicate that they were only period in something. This could have been avoided in either scenario. Communication is key guys.

KM (8:27-8:30): Do you remember some of the crazy stories you’ve seen in the past?

IN (8:31-8:44): There was the orchestra pit on Brooking’s Quad one. Although that might have just been a response to the location map and not a story. I think most of the ones that I’m thinking of are weird locations which we did have some of.

KM (8:45-9:02): The uniqueness of locations where students have had sex has carried through into this year’s survey results as well. While the most popular place, with 37%, was residential area common rooms, there were more distinct places like the Swamp Playground, the DUC showers, and the Bunny. 

OP (9:03-9:12): The bunny is fascinating because I don’t know how that works. The bunny is a pretty vertical structure there. Where are you on the bunny?

IN (9:12-9:13): Up against the Bunny, perhaps.

OP (9:13-9:17): I guess, that’s fair. In between the arms of the Bunny.

IN (9:17-9:18): Being cradled by the Bunny.

OP (9:18-9:24): Held by the Bunny, which I’ve heard has a lot of pee on it as well.

IN (9:25-9:33): I’ve heard that as well.

There’s a lot more people that have had sex in strange places on campus than I had expected.

OP (9:33-9:42): Wait, 21 people have a sex in the DUC showers? That’s unsanitary. Just feels really wrong. I hope they’re wearing shower shoes is all.

IN (9:43-9:44): That’s all?

OP (9:45-9:47): Sure! That’s the main part. Or you can get some crazy foot disease.

KM (9:48-9:51): I like how that’s the thing you’re worried about. Crazy foot disease.

OP (9:52-9:53): Gotta wear the shower shoes.

KM (9:54-9:59): Overall, Poolos and Neubauer were supportive of how the survey normalizes sex.

OP (10:00-10:28): I do appreciate how much the survey and talking about it and making an issue about it kind of normalizes sex, because I feel like it’s something that clearly we know other people are having and that clearly other people are having, but a lot of times it’s kind of just swept under the rug or maybe these mystery conceptions about it. So I appreciate that this data kind of opens it up because that means there’s more conversations about sex, and I think communication is always better.

IN (10:28-10:32): That’s a lot more responsible than me. I just think it’s really fun.

OP (10:33-10:34): It is also fun.

IN (10:34-10:36): I’m just basically snooping.

KM (10:43-11:00): Editor’s Note will be back next week to break down a developing story. Head to studlife.com to check out the Sex Issue and other recent coverage like the closure of the Delta Gamma sorority and a profile on a freshman entrepreneur. For Student Life Media, I’m Kamala Madireddi.