I am submitting this letter anonymously but I hope it will help current students. I was so glad to see Bri Nitsberg’s recent piece “The hidden side of sexual assault that WashU isn’t teaching you.” As a former actor who literally performed in “The Date” at WashU multiple times, even I was unaware I was being sexually assaulted in my relationship at WashU; it wasn’t until therapy years later that I realized coercion and threats are not consent. My boyfriend at the time, whom I loved, expected me to be available for sex at all times, even when I expressed I didn’t want to engage, and taught me that “if sex hurts that’s how you know it’s good” — two things I suspect he learned from pornography. The depictions of sex in the porn he frequently watched never focused on women’s pleasure, only men taking what they wanted regardless of their partner’s response or interest. He made me believe he would cheat on me if I didn’t serve him in the same way, and that what he was doing was okay because he loved me. Years later, it seems insane to me that I accepted these conditions of our relationship. But I didn’t know better. Now I do.

If you’re a current student and this sounds similar to your “loving relationship” — please know help is available to you. You are not alone. I believe you. Others will, too.