Content warning: This article discusses sexual violence and contains sensitive language regarding unwanted sexual contact. See the editor’s note below the article for resources.

Relationships and sex are nothing unfamiliar to college students. Both are great, until they’re not. The sad reality of college is that for far too many students, disproportionately women, sex is anything but great after surviving sexual assault. The system, at Washington University and in wider society, is entirely stacked against survivors, leading to unreported cases and proper support denied. 

42.5% of undergraduate women in 2019 responded to an anonymous campus survey saying that they experienced some sort of non-consensual sexual contact. That is approximately 1,866 women. 1,866 lives painfully altered. You can fill the entirety of Graham Chapel two and a half times over with all of the female sexual assault survivors on this campus. What’s arguably worse is the fact that that number is a gross underestimate, because many will fail to recognize that what they went through is even considered sexual assault. So much contributes to this, but one of the most significant reasons is the lack of well-rounded sexual violence education from WashU.

WashU’s sexual education curriculum consists primarily of two programs: The Date for first-years, and Beyond Sex Ed for sophomores. While both have their advantages, the two focus almost entirely on violent, forceful, and stereotypical forms of sexual assault. The Date encompasses two sexual assault cases — why are they both violent and over-exaggerated situations that involve drinking and partying? Beyond Sex Ed involves slides with scenarios of force and a clear lack of consent, but what about when it’s not quite so clear?

The sexual violence education at this school is only showing students the black-and-white situations. There are ten thousand more colors in between, and too many students are forced to learn the hard way about what all of them are. WashU students and survivors deserve a clear and full picture of what sexual assault looks like, not just the one that’s easiest for the school to put out. 

These programs fail to recognize and educate students on the other side of sexual assault — the kind that doesn’t involve physical force, which is more common and less reported among college students. Sexual assault doesn’t only look like obvious physical violence or force. Sexual assault can also look like silently ignoring when someone says no, coercing someone into saying yes, or abusing a position of dominance through fear. Sexual assault can look like being in a relationship with someone and feeling like you can’t say no because they are your partner. Sexual assault can look like saying no multiple times in a row and then eventually saying yes because you know that they are going to do what they want regardless, so it’s easier for everyone if you don’t put up a fight. Sexual assault can look like crying on your floor, questioning what happened and what to call it. This is the sexual assault that fails to make it into any sexual violence education program that this school mandates for its students. 

Having to go through these situations in the first place is horrific, but going through it without support from friends, counselors, and others is nearly impossible. Many times, survivors only reach for that support when they feel like what they have gone through is “bad enough.” When you don’t recognize sexual assault for what it is, it’s so easy to replay every thought, wondering what you could have done differently to end with a different result. 

They didn’t really sexually assault me. They didn’t mean to. What they did wasn’t that bad. I said yes eventually, so it was my fault. I was asking for it. It didn’t feel violent, so I can’t call it sexual assault.

You can tell yourself the right things over and over again, but the doubt, confusion, and self-blaming never seem to disappear from your mind, because you’ve never seen this form of sexual assault in educational programs. 

As much as you can try to argue otherwise, everyone at this university understands the difference between yes and no. Assaulters recognize when they ignore someone trying to say no; they know that the yes that comes after multiple no’s isn’t really a yes. They sexually assault in ways that cause damages we aren’t taught about, leaving dozens of emotional bruises and none of the physical manifestations we see in presentations. 

This behavior is happening in casual one-night stands, it’s happening in regular hook-ups, and it’s happening so often in relationships. It is disgusting to think of the magnitude of people on this campus who are sexually assaulted, and therefore, how many classmates and peers are the ones sexually assaulting them. Yet, it’s rarely called out and punished. And understandably so: why would a survivor feel supported to speak up when they barely understand what happened in the first place and are gaslit by society to believe that nothing happened at all? 

It is disgusting, it is heartbreaking, and it is infuriating to live in a world that normalizes and accepts this as the reality without putting more effort into working towards a solution. Sexual assault has so many more signs than what this school and society are teaching people, and it is a disservice to survivors for people not to recognize this. While the root of this problem unfortunately can’t be solved with a newspaper article, the aftermath for survivors can be improved. Educating students on non-life-threatening sexual assault cases would allow more survivors to recognize when they are in these situations and would validate their feelings in the aftermath. Survivors deserve so much more than the inadequate effort that the University is putting into educating students about all forms of sexual assault. 

This is only encouraging assaulters, and it is so beyond unfair to survivors.

Editor’s Note: The Sexual Assault and Rape Anonymous Helpline (S.A.R.A.H) provides confidential and anonymous support regarding sexual assault, sexual harassment, intimate partner and sexual violence, relationships, and mental and sexual health. It can be reached at 314-935-8080 24/7 during the fall and spring academic semesters.

There are counselors at the Relationship and Sexual Violence Prevention (RSVP) Center, located in Seigle Hall, Suite 435, available confidentially to any University student. The office can be reached at 314-935-3445 or by email at [email protected].

The National Sexual Assault Hotline can be reached at 1-800-656-4673 or via online chat here 24/7.