Illustration by Dion Hines

To make this article easier for me to write and for you to read, I’ll cut to the chase: I am a very irritable person. I often feel slighted by the smallest of inconveniences, which causes me to have such strong, negative emotions about many things. Because most of my grievances are irrelevant and would be physically and/or emotionally taxing for society to fix, I am not writing this article as a means to propose a solution or even raise awareness. Rather, I am writing to speak for the college students who are simply annoyed. Oh, yeah. I also just like to rant.

Small Talk

There is no reason for you to ask me which dorm I live in, what my prospective major is, and what my family lineage is just to fill an awkward silence. Next thing I know, you’re going to be asking me my mother’s maiden name and my elementary school’s mascot. Also, we both know that you don’t care about any response that may come out of my mouth and vice versa.

Basing One’s Personality on Insignificant Traits

History has proven that humanity is brilliant. We invented pasteurization, artificial intelligence, and Tostitos cheese. We conceptualized art that molds entire generations. With that being said, a person is so much more than one specific trait or ideology, and no one should limit themselves to a singular aspect. Your personality is a complex, beautiful thing that should be displayed in its full capacity. No one cares that you listen to Korn or Slipknot. No one cares that you smoke. No one cares that you’re an atheist. Who isn’t these days?   

Duos/Groups Walking Horizontally on Sidewalks

There is no one important enough to take up the entire sidewalk. Jesus Christ of Nazareth could be walking in the middle of the paved sidewalk during his second coming, and I would still expect him to leave enough room for other people to pass him. But I wouldn’t even have to worry about that because he’s literally Jesus Christ.

Announcing Controversial Opinions Unprovoked

No one asked whether or not you think Beyoncé is overrated. No one asked whether or not you think “The Office” is funny. No one asked about your political ideologies. I can only assume that you cursed the world with this unsolicited information out of some act of terrorism rooted in psychopathy. Furthermore, there is an ancient practice established during the Paleolithic era modernly known as reading the room, and it is so disheartening to know that this practice has been lost in the wrinkles of time.

Motivational Speakers/Life Coaches

As a society and a culture, we have accepted that many things we do on a daily basis are devoid of intrinsic meaning, and — by extension — our lives can appear bleak and meaningless. For this reason, the thing that a lot of people need is some spurt of motivation. The way to address this need is not to become a motivational speaker or life coach. If you really want to help people, become a social worker or a drag queen.

People with Stan Accounts

For the love of God, get a hobby.

Spur of the Moment Secondary and Tertiary Locations During Hangouts

If we go anywhere that was not previously addressed during the planning stage of the hangout, you are kidnapping me. I am a victim. I do not deserve to be held hostage. Please, just let me go home.

Despite my rants, I don’t believe that the point of living is to silence or diminish oneself. It would be unreasonable for me to suggest that anyone should make themselves smaller for the sake of being more sufferable. I also wouldn’t do that crap for anyone else. Rather, I think life would be easier for everyone if people were just more considerate. Don’t do everything for the convenience of others, of course, but also don’t live only for yourself. Just think of others, y’all. I don’t know.