The feminist movement is present, it is powerful and it is making serious progress. I love it, and I am hopeful for what the future holds for gender equality. However, there is a popular part of the movement that I believe is counterproductive to achieving the equality women have been working for and so obviously deserve. This is the “f— men” culture that has been popularized lately: the tendency to damn the whole gender and label the lot as rotten.

First off, I would like to say that I understand the impulse to condemn the male gender as a whole. Being told you aren’t strong enough, being told you’re “too emotional” when advocating for your rights and being talked down to because of your gender sucks. It should piss you off. I do understand a wariness of men. Being on guard around men due to a personal experience in which a man made you fear for your safety and made you feel dehumanized is terrifying. I completely understand feeling wary of men you do not know, having your guard up when deciding who is worthy of your trust.

However, assuming every man is evil, hating men for the simple fact that they are men, deepens this tendency to “other” people because of their gender. While this may feel justified as it is in reaction to the oppression women have faced for so long, contributing to gender-based hatred is contributing to what the feminist movement works so hard to move away from. Hating men will never be considered sexism as it is a reaction to the systematic disadvantages women have faced for generations. Still, we need to expect better from ourselves to overcome this tendency for the sake of the cause itself.

My biggest concern with “f— men” culture is that, ultimately, it contributes to toxic masculinity. Creating a sense of otherness, not including men in the fight to bring down toxic masculinity, is counterproductive. Toxic masculinity refers to the culture around men that defines one’s manhood through the “alpha male” archetype—relying on physical strength, lack of emotional vulnerability and hypersexuality in order to define your self-worth. Toxic masculinity ultimately encourages the abuse of and disrespect of women. Furthermore, the mindset behind toxic masculinity is harmful for men. It disregards their own emotions and creates a weakness in being emotional or cognizant of mental health. Men that see this definition of masculinity as the only acceptable form of manhood are confronted with a harmful and unattainable personality to strive towards, which creates a lower self-worth when they fail to reach that unreachable standard of a “real man.” In order to achieve gender equality, we must resist the urge to damn all men and instead work together with men to overcome the toxic masculinity that hurts both men and women.

As an alternative to “f— men”, I suggest the term “f— the patriarchal systems that have oppressed women for generations,” or for simplicity’s sake “f— the patriarchy.” Place your hatred on the system rather than on individuals. It allows for an inclusion in the frustration with the way the world has operated thus far, without the othering of individuals due to gender. It fights toxic masculinity rather than contributing to it.