I have high-functioning autism, previously/alternatively known as Asperger syndrome. I also have Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). I have not told many people, so if you know me personally, do not be offended if you didn’t know. Please note, throughout this article, I will use the terms Asperger’s and high-functioning autism interchangeably.

Autism and OCD are fairly common, in the sense that you probably know someone with them. A national survey in 2016 found that 1.85% of children were identified with autism by age 8, with males four times as likely as females to be on the spectrum. Likewise, about 2% of the population has OCD. In addition, it is not uncommon for people with high-functioning autism to also have OCD. We are almost nine times as likely (17%) to have OCD as the general population.

Many people are familiar with autism, but fewer are familiar with high-functioning autism (Asperger’s). People with Asperger’s are often highly intelligent people who show few struggles in cognitive development. They often have unique traits, such as the development of highly specified interests and talents. However, they usually struggle with social situations and interactions.

Sometimes, their difficulties can be seen externally, in the way they do or don’t interpret social cues, the way they interact with others and the judgements/assumptions they make in their relationships with other people. Our brains do not always see most people’s interactions as “normal.” Without realizing it, we may sometimes say something which, for many people, may cross a line or seem abrasive. For example, people with high-functioning autism may also misinterpret sarcasm, or face confusion over romantic relationships. I used to grapple with these kinds of things every day, and still need to grapple with them often.

Many of you who know me probably think of me as a very sociable person. This is true! I am a social butterfly, and I can behave as a mature adult. In fact, those who have known me for a long time remember that I engaged in adult conversations from a young age. This is actually a symptom of high-functioning autism. Likewise, though some people with Asperger’s may avoid social situations, others are rather talkative and outgoing, including myself.

My parents believe I have had Asperger’s since I was an infant, when I would compulsively press my hands together and lose awareness of the outside world. I continue to press my hands together when in deep thought. I can get lost in my own mind and not even realize I am doing it, but I have learned over time how to avoid doing that in public.

I also, by age two or three, memorized every model of cars, and would sit outside naming them all, according to my parents.

Other signs of high-functioning autism came as I grew up. From a young age, I would look at and memorize maps. At age 7, I drew a map of every street in my hometown by heart. I could give people directions to any city in the country. I also became obsessed with dates and statistics. I knew the populations of every country and the results of every presidential election in US history.

OCD came on later. When I was 16, I started to have disturbing thoughts and feelings. I could not get these out of my head, and I thought I was totally alone in this experience. I had always thought of OCD by its stereotype—obsessions with germaphobia and cleanliness—but my OCD is all internalized. I found myself desiring “perfect” thoughts in my head and I did not want to think of anything inaccurate or immoral. I slowly developed mental rituals which I used to cope with intrusive thoughts and feelings. None of this was visible from the outside. I will emphasize that having these thoughts does not make my values inconsistent with those of others. Most people with OCD learn to live happy lives with the condition, and their priorities in life are similar to those of “normal” people. All my OCD means is that I can be hypersensitive to my own negative thoughts, and cannot deal with them as easily as most other people.

I was diagnosed with OCD—to my surprise—when I started seeing a therapist out of fear that my mind was not functioning correctly. I did not know that there were so many others like me. Since then, I have worked hard and found ways to lessen the symptoms and burdens of OCD.

As I mentioned previously, people with high-functioning autism often think in a different way, and one result is that they are more likely to have OCD. This brings up the valid assertion that autism—including high-functioning autism—can make our lives much more difficult. But I see autism as a gift. For me personally, I feel that much of my intelligence, outgoing personality and drive to be a leader derive from traits of high-functioning autism. I would not have the amazing experiences and intellectual stimulation that I do without my autism.

I told very, very few people about my neurological disposition. Growing up, my parents were incredibly embracing of it, but society at large was not. Even in high school, things like autism and OCD were greatly stigmatized, and students who were neurologically different were often made fun of by a small but vocal subset of the student population.

A few people realized that I had Asperger’s, such as the mother of another child with autism. However, I began to confront my autism more when I came to Wash. U. When I got to campus I initially faced some social anxiety, as all people do when starting college. I confided in a person on my floor—whom I now call a close friend—about some of my difficulties. He had a friend from high school who was on the spectrum, and he recognized that I had Asperger’s. He was instrumental, more than he knows, in giving me greater confidence to speak on this issue. I will forever be grateful to him, and consider him one of the best mentors and supporters in my recent life. He helped me believe that I should not be ashamed of being on the spectrum.

Washington University also provided a great environment for me. People at Wash. U. were far less judgmental and far more outspoken about mental health and neurodiversity (the diversity of individual brain function and behavioral traits) than anywhere else I have ever been. For the first time in my life, I have also met people who are open about their high-functioning autism. These people are a gift to Wash. U. and have been a gift in my life, as I can say confidently that there are others on this campus who are like me and who can understand me. The tolerance and openness of our campus is broad, as friends have also inspired me to embrace body positivity and break free of gender stereotypes. In that mold, I find it important to bring recognition to who I am. So here I am, telling you all that I have high-functioning autism (Asperger’s) and OCD. I no longer fear the world knowing this. I am proud of who I am.

I make this statement with the hope that recent positive trends will surge forward, and neurodiversity will no longer be something stigmatized or scary. I make this statement with the hope that other people with Asperger’s and/or OCD will know that most people will still love them and respect them. I make this statement for all of the children who struggle with being different and are not yet in a place (like Wash. U.) to realize how amazing they are.

Thank you.