Dining Services’ meals, staff and dining experience will soon be experiencing some changes, courtesy of new Director of Nutrition Donnie Mascarpone.

The former waste management expert from Freehold, N.J., will be replacing current Director of Nutrition Connie Diekman, and he promises to bring plenty of meal options that “Mamma would make in the old country.”

Gary Dickson | Student Life

New Director of Nutrition Donnie Marscapone looks on in awe as his first plate of lasagna is served in Bear’s Den. Marscapone will be overhauling several aspects of Dining Services, including the introduction of platters of salted meats for “Donnie’s Choice” and the use of dining hall televisions to play “The Godfather” and “Goodfellas.”

When asked why Mascarpone was chosen as a replacement and why his name sounds suspiciously like an Italian cheese, school administrators responded with a “Forget about it” in forced Brooklyn accents.

Mascarpone himself was unwilling to comment on the specifics of his work in waste management but said that he had plenty of time to cook up the perfect recipes during his “legally enforced vacation” in Florida.

“I’m gonna be making all the old favorites. We got lasagna, bracioles, antipasto, polenta and fresh cannoli,” Mascarpone said.

Some of the more specific initiatives will include making the marinara sauce less sweet and taking what Mascarpone calls “unholy toppings” off the pizza.

“A pie should have cheese, good sauce and maybe some salami. That’s it,” he insisted.

Not everything will be changing, however, as Mascarpone plans to retain the “Connie’s Choice” element of campus dining, with the caveat that it be renamed “Donnie’s Choice.”

“Donnie’s Choice is mostly gonna be, you know, big plates of salted meats and cheese. The kiddies are gonna love it,” Mascarpone said.

He added that if students don’t like his “choice,” they can meet him by the loading docks outside Eliot B House for a conversation. “I’m real good at conversations,” Mascarpone said.

Despite the large amounts of meat and cheese that will be featured in Mascarpone’s meals, sophomore Valerie Kilmer, a lactose-intolerant vegetarian, was supportive of the changes.

“It’s going to limit my options, but at least now I’ll know what’s in the meals instead of having to question Dining Services for 20 minutes before I buy a pre-packaged, poorly labeled wrap,” Kilmer said.

Much of the dining staff will also be replaced as Marscapone will be hiring several former associates.

“There’s Joey ‘the slicer;’ he’s real good at chopping vegetables nice and thin. Paulie C. is making the sauce. Paulie Junior is making the pasta. ‘Tight-lips’ Pete is coming in for special events. He’s had some trouble before with keeping his mouth shut, but he ain’t spilling secrets now. Finally we got Paulie V. at the register. He’ll make sure kiddies don’t get away with nuthin’,” Mascarpone said.

He also expressed interest in creating a fuller dining experience. In this vein, Marscapone said he wants to install mood lighting in Bear’s Den and the Village as well as play “The Godfather,” “Goodfellas” and “Casino” on a rotating loop on the dining hall televisions.

“I also want some good music in here. You know, some Frank, some Tony and some Dino. But if you see me crying when Frank’s singing ‘My Way,’ I swear it’s just the sliced onions,” Mascarpone said.