In a move that will streamline overhead for upcoming years, the Olin Business School [OBS +6.96] has formed a single, vibrating particle to promote synergy throughout the undergraduate student population.

In a press conference to discuss its 2014 fourth-quarter earning report, the administration of the business school announced the joint venture with the Olin undergraduate student body in order to increase net profit margins for shareholders.

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Artist’s representation of net product.

Over the next 32.33 years, this move will reduce costs by 57.97 percent in order to help the school combat sharply rising education costs. As other schools around the country face impending budget crises, the b-school will utilize its sustained competitive advantage in synergistic management solutions, reducing the capital spent on new student development.

Director of Undergraduate Programs Stan Mlatter noted that this choice would lead to a much more efficient business school by taking advantage of scientific economies of scale.

“In becoming one particle, we have been able to take advantage of increasing returns to scale for our students,” Mr. Mlatter said. “Instead of teaching fundamental business skills to over 800 students, we can focus all of our resources on creating one hyperlocal being that possesses all knowledge vital to maximizing revenue.”

Since this restructuring occurred, the particle has received several job offers from prestigious companies across the nation, including Bain Capital, JPMorganChase [JPM +3.45] and Apple [AAPL -8.37], among others.

“Companies will appreciate the holistic approach we have taken to educating student,” Mlatter said. “I know that the professional world will respect our choice and will see it as evidence of the practical business solution that the student body will bring to the real world.”

Economics professor Gary McDonalds [MCD -1.22] said that in his vast communication with business professionals, there has been widespread adoration and praise for the decision to consolidate the student body into one being.

“I was teaching executives this weekend in Denver, and I told my good friend Bill Gates about our move,” McDonalds said. “Bill believed the new synergistic corporate structure was a great idea and thought we should now pursue a hostile takeover of Fontbonne University [FBNN +4.20] to form a multiregional educational conglomerate.”

However, outside analysts are skeptical of the consolidation, citing concerns in the rising costs of the education market. Ronald Gosi, a chief financial analyst at Goldman Sachs [GS -3.93], is one of many who are objecting to the singular-particle management structure.

“When I saw this happen, I immediately divested all of my Olin stock and bundled it with grade B++ bonds and wheat futures to maximize its market value,” Gosi said. “With the new capital I had, I was able to diversify my portfolio by investing in a money market mutual fund and Euro-backed hybrid securities.”

“I wish Olin would utilize its position within and create larger market cap for its stocks,” Gosi said. “It has the power to leverage its assets and redefine its brand, but I don’t know if they can do so under its new corporate structure.”

Although becoming one being was difficult for business students to deal with at first, they believe that the move will provide next-generation interface as well as a seamless communication process.

“This has made networking and interfacing so much easier,” the students of the business school said in unison. “By synergizing, we have been able to maximize our efficiency and no longer waste valuable time having separate ideas.”

“However, acting as one particle can be pretty exhausting at some points,” the students said. “We’re going to go to the bathroom now.”