Welcome to the Washington University community, Class of 2018. We couldn’t help but notice your super-interesting, totally original 20-things-about-you posts, so we decided to do one of our own to help prepare you for your next four years. Anyway, it’s not like we have anything better to do with our time

1. We got a 35 on the ACT (averaged) without studying at all on our first try. But we think that’s pretty average anyway. Don’t bother coming here with less.

2. Like many of you, we were all valedictorians at our respective high schools. We know that keeping a 4.5 GPA at Wash. U. will be difficult, but you’re not studying enough if you’re below a 4.0.

3. We intend to be the first-ever pre-med architects to graduate in three years. We are double-majoring in Biomedical Engineering with a minor in the art school. You know, so we can design hospitals and stuff.

4. We started packing for college our sophomore year of high school. You are hopelessly behind.

5. My English teacher’s brother’s son’s babysitter went to Wash. U., so she could totally have hooked us up with beer back in the day. You wish you were that cool.

6. This time years ago, we were totally procrastinating on our AP Statistics problem set by putting off our AP Chemistry lab report by doing an AP U.S. History practice DBQ. Spoiler alert: we got all 5s. #senioritis #getonourlevel

7. We’ve stalked Wash. U. Faces harder than you have. We’ve stalked so hard, we already know the entire class of 2019. Y’all looked adorable in your senior photos, by the way. Did your mom pick out that tie?

8. You guys should really take this awesome class called Introduction to Cultural Anthropology with professor Childs. Also, Introduction to Sexuality Studies. Crossing our fingers y’all get in your first year!

9. Is anyone else doing FSAP? You’d be dumb not to because every credit counts when you’re planning on being a doctor-architect-biomechanical engineer. Plus, the friends we made there will last ~forever~.

10. We only came to Wash. U. for the Tempur-Pedic beds, too, but let’s get real: if you’re actually sleeping on them, you’re doing college all wrong.

11. We couldn’t actually think of 20 interesting things about ourselves because our brains don’t work that way anymore. Is there any way we could do this via multiple choice? I am (a) a genius (b) immensely well-liked (c) half Korean, half Inuit and half Pacific Islander or (d) ALL OF THE ABOVE.

12. Our graduating class was so. Big. Like, 250 people. Good thing we’re so good with faces and definitely won’t have to ask your name twice. Or three times. Or just call you “frat party frosh #7” and avoid further contact with you.

13. What Pre-O were you all thinking of doing? We initially thought of doing LAUNCH but we didn’t want to limit ourselves so we crammed an entire gap year into a weekend. Backpacking through sub-Saharan Africa made us feel so #blessed.

14. We are SO addicted to coffee. You don’t even know what addiction is. We look at you and laugh as we pump more caffeine directly into our veins (which we can do, because we’ve already interned at the med school).

15. We are only doing this because it seems like everyone else is. We hear these lists are the move.

16. We are super excited to live in the Midwest because the people are so nice and stuff. And the weather literally never changes. Plus all of our parents live in the Northeast and are never going to visit.

17. We really love Harry Potter. Like, more than Hermione loves house-elves. Like, more than Ron loves the Chudley Cannons. Like, more than Voldemort liked shoving pieces of his soul into creepy little trinkets. Liek dis if u cry evertim Snape diez. #spoileralertz

18. We like to think we’re really active and do sports and stuff. We’re not. But we’re going to tell you that we are.

19. When we finally met our roommates, the first thing we did was start a floorgy. And it was never awkward the rest of the year. #floorcest5eva

20. We have a completely arbitrary lucky number that you probably don’t care about that but that I’ll tell you about anyway. One of our lucky numbers is 4. Another is 8. Another is 15. Another is 16. Another is 23. Another is 42. I hope you use this information for good.