Maybe it’s because our own sex lives are so boring. Or, maybe it’s because athletes are just so dang beautiful. For whatever reason, we fans demand all-access passes to our favorite athletes’ sexual histories. Look at it this way—if you can score in the NBA, you can’t score in the bedroom without most of the country hearing about it. Particularly in the last decade, this privacy invasion has rattled more than a few closet skeletons and has lead to the swift demise of a few sports icons.

We could debate the merits of exposing athletes’ intimate lives ad infinitum, but that’s simply not as fun as delving into these sordid affairs in honor of impending Valentine’s Day. Here are the 10 most hilarious, wacky, what-would-their-mothers-think sexcapades from the sexy world of sports.

10. A-Rod swipes bags and digits

This one isn’t a sex scandal per say, but it seems wrong to leave a guy like Alex Rodriguez off this list. After being benched for the first game of the 2012 American League Divisional Series, the oft-maligned slugger spotted a pair of cute ladies sitting above the Yankee dugout. Ever the enterprising individual, Rodriguez instructed a ball boy to toss the girls a ball with a note written on it asking for their numbers. A-Rod got their numbers, but also caught major flack from the Yankee fan base that saw their $275 million-dollar man chasing trim during the playoffs.

9. Brandon Davies’ spring awakening

Of all the reasons to get kicked off a collegiate sports team (gambling, prostitution, et cetera) poor Brandon Davies got the ax for pre-marital sex. Back in 2011, the sophomore forward was enjoying a strong sophomore campaign, averaging 11.1 points per game, a team-high 6.2 rebounds per game for the devoutly Mormon Brigham Young University Cougars (the animal, not the divorcee). Then tragedy struck. After a university investigation, Davies admitted that he violated the school’s honor code that prohibits fun things like pre-marital sex and the consumption of alcoholic beverages, tea, coffee and drugs. Davies gracefully accepted his punishment and was allowed to return to the team for his junior and senior seasons, presumably under the condition that he wear a chastity belt.

8. Eugene Robinson lowballs undercover cop

On the eve of the 1999 Super Bowl, Atlanta Falcons cornerback Eugene Robinson offered a cop $40 to perform oral sex on him and was subsequently arrested. Personally, I understand if athletes want to have sex before a big game to stay loose, but if he needed some tail that badly, he could have just asked his wife, who was sleeping soundly in their hotel room a couple of blocks away. The Miami Police Department allowed Robinson to play out the Super Bowl, but, as you would expect, he looked terrible in the 34-19 loss to the Denver Broncos, allowing an 80-yard touchdown reception.

The irony? The morning before the arrest, Robinson received the Bart Starr Award, given annually to football players who exhibit strong moral character. He had to give the trophy back afterward.

7. Pacman regrets making it rain

Someone needs to tell Adam “Pacman” Jones how strip clubs work. In a series of events that led to his highly publicized suspension from the 2007 NFL season, Jones “made it rain” in a Las Vegas club with rapper Nelly. Jones, however, never had any intention of giving up the money that he had just flung onto the floor. When the dancers went to collect, he got physical and was thrown out of the club in a violent altercation resulting in the paralysis of the club’s manager. Jones has since made major strides to clean up his reputation, but I still wonder—does he think that the five-second rule applies to money, too?

6. Delonte West shags Lebron’s mom?

Let’s be clear before we discuss this one at all. Delonte West has been very clear that he never had any kind of sexual encounter with Lebron James’ mom. But just because the rumors were unfounded doesn’t mean they didn’t still have a real effect. The story first surfaced during the Cavaliers’ 2010 playoff series against the Boston Celtics, and it became a major story line by the fourth game. Coincidentally, that break coincided with a serious drop in production for King James. Before the rumor, Lebron averaged 54 percent from the field. After, James shot a meager 34 percent over the final three games, all Cavs losses. That offseason, Lebron signed a contract with the Miami Heat. Coincidence? I think not!

Coaches and players take note: If you want to get inside King James’ head, sleep with his mother.

5. Viking floating sex palace

NFL bye weeks are supposed to be a chance for players to recuperate from the punishing week-by-week schedule. Some players golf, others spend time with their families and a select few hold boat orgies.

In 2005, 17 members of the Minnesota Vikings chartered a cruise out on Lake Minnetonka that was supposed to last 3 1/2 hours. The Boat came back to port after 40 minutes after the crew witnessed hardcore sex acts including but not limited to butt-groping, sex toy usage, assorted oral favors and topless lap dancing. By the time the dust settled, four Vikings were charged with the big three: indecent conduct, disorderly conduct, and lewd or lascivious conduct. I assume they all high-fived afterwards.

4. Wife swap

Who doesn’t love the show “Wife Swap”? Two families with struggling dynamics switch wives for a couple weeks, learn a little bit about themselves, then reunite with a greater appreciation for one another. Yankees pitchers Fritz Peterson and Mike Kekich liked the idea so much they decided to make it permanent. In 1972, Peterson and Kekich swapped wives, houses, even children.

Peterson got the better end of the bargain as he and Kekich’s ex-wife are still together after 40-plus years. Kekich, on the other hand, separated from Peterson’s wife after less than a year. Love is one of life’s great mysteries.

3. Manti Te’o gets catfished

The nuts and bolts of this story are still disputed, but here is what’s relatively clear: Manti Teo’s girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, never existed. A man named Ronaiah Tuiasosopo created the fake identity after becoming infatuated with the University of Notre Dame middle linebacker. The two communicated online over the course of several years and developed enough of a relationship for Te’o to openly state her existence in media interviews. The story first broke when Te’o announced that Kekua and his grandmother both died on Sept. 11, 2012. A subsequent investigation by Deadspin revealed that Kekua never existed and pointed to Tuiasosopo as the mastermind. When the story became public, Te’o openly admitted to never meeting Kekua in person, citing that his online relationship would appear “crazy.” A second investigation by the University of Notre Dame supported that Te’o had no nefarious intentions and was simply the victim of an elaborate hoax. Poor guy.

2. Ronaldo Ruiz Nazario gets an unexpected surprise

In 2008, after an argument with his girlfriend, Ronaldo Ruiz Nazario did what any Brazilian soccer superstar would do: He rented three hookers. After booking them in a Rio de Janeiro club and taking them up to his hotel room, Nazario was rightfully shocked when he realized all three of them had penises.

“I cried a lot afterwards,” he later stated.

When Nazario refused to pay the one enterprising hooker 15,000 pounds to keep quiet, the police were called and the story leaked to the press. While prostitution is legal in Rio, fans take the masculinity of their prized athletes very seriously. One of the prostitutes stated that Nazario “treated me with caresses and called me princess.” Regardless of claims, Nazario never received any major backlash from the incident.

1. Max Mosley has a really weird kink

Max Mosley is famous for two reasons. One, he was the head of the FIA (Formula One Racing) from 1993-2009. Two, his dad Oswald Mosley was a notorious Nazi supporter. As it turns out, the apple may not fall too far from the tree. Back in 2008, the British tabloid News of the World released a five-hour-long video of what has been described as a “Nazi-themed orgy.” Dressed as a concentration camp detainee, the 67-year-old Mosley had his head and genitals checked for lice by five prostitutes dressed in German World War II uniforms before being beaten. Mosley got to keep his job at FIA and was able to sue the news organization for nearly $2 million in defamation and legal costs. I don’t even know what to say to conclude that story, so I’ll just let it simmer in your brain for the rest of your life.