This is the first installment in a series of hard-hitting exposes on Washington University student figures. This week I sat down with junior Matthew Herman, who opened for B.J. Novak at the Social Programming Board spring comedy show and performs with K.A.R.L. Improv! and Kids On Campus. I sat down with Herman to figure out how he’s taking Wash. U.’s comedy scene by storm and in tribute to a show he likes, “Between Two Ferns.”

Lindsay Tracy: Welcome to an episode of “Next to a Ficus.” We’re here today with Sheldon Cooper, right?

Matthew Herman: Very funny. It’s also not a ficus.

LT: This isn’t a ficus?

MH: I don’t think so.

LT: Well—OK. So…tell me a bit about yourself.

MH: I’m an English major—English and film. I’m a junior. I do comedy, lots of types—stand-up, improv, sketch.

LT: Are you done?

MH: Yep.

LT: That’s great. So [you] opened up for J.K. Rowling recently.

MH: Funny. B.J. J.K.

LT: What’s B.J.?

MH: (quietly) Yep.

LT: So, I understand that you made a lot of fun [of] your body. What kind of message does that send to the 10-year-olds who were there and watching your stand-up?

MH: You had to be a student to get in, so there were no 10-year-olds.

LT: There could’ve been 10-year-olds in the audience. You never know if a student skipped a couple [of] grades and is there.

MH: Well if they did, they probably already feel pretty weird about themselves. And they should.

LT: So, I know that you said that was maybe your first time doing stand-up.

MH: One of the first times, yeah.

LT: I was wondering…did you just forget that you weren’t supposed to tell jokes during it or was that an intentional thing, that you didn’t want to be funny?

MH: Well, the jokes did go over some people’s heads. But I think, you know, that most of the smarter people got them.

LT: The smarter people?

MH: Yeah. You know, the top half of Wash. U.’s class.

LT: So…not you then?

MH: Oh, no. I didn’t get any of my jokes. (sigh) That doesn’t make sense.

LT: Are you wanting to become a comedian in the future?

MH: I would like to write comedy in some form, yeah. I don’t know about stand-up specifically, but I would like to do something in comedy.

LT: As a successful comedian myself, I just wanted to give you a piece of advice, which is to stop.

MH: Thanks. Um, what have you done?

LT: I think that’s…beside—besides the point. So I’ve heard you’re involved in Kids On Campus, which is an advocacy group for young children and their education.

MH: We bring students to campus and tutor them.

LT: So, why? Why do you do that?

MH: I just think it’s funny that there are stupid kids in the world.

LT: I think that was pretty rude. I mean, you shouldn’t say that about children.

MH: It was—it was a joke.

LT: It was a joke?

MH: Kids On Campus is actually a sketch group. We write and perform sketches.

LT: Like Pictionary?

MH: These jokes have all been made before—long before you. So, can we just get to the information?

LT: Have you ever been in love?

MH: At the time I thought I was, but I’m not sure. I’d say yeah, sure; why not?

LT: Was it with yourself?

MH: No. I actually usually get down on myself. I should be more self-positive. Unless that was a masturbation joke—I have loved myself.

LT: OK. I see here that you’re in K-A-R-L?

MH: K.A.R.L. K.A.R.L. Improv!

LT: What does that stand for?

MH: I cannot tell you unless you’re in K.A.R.L.

LT: It’s a secret?

MH: It is a secret acronym.

LT: I thought secrets weren’t supposed to be fun unless you share with everyone.

MH: They’re fun for the people who know them. So…I’m having fun.

LT: You look like it. So if you’re so good at improv, then [improvise] something for me right now.

MH: This whole thing has pretty much been improv because you didn’t see [it] fit to prepare very much. This is s—.

LT: Can you at least tell me a joke? A story?

MH: A joke? How about StudLife’s circulation?

LT: Oh yeah, StudLife has bad circulation—we get it. It’s funny.

MH: Thanks.

LT: So apparently there were some pandas on campus that you were shepherding. What is that?

MH: Pandamonium is K.A.R.L. Improv!’s annual festival—the largest collegiate festival in the Midwest.

LT: Is that supposed to be impressive?

MH: It is, if you have any knowledge of improv or improv festivals or, you know, general knowledge. But yeah, it went really well. Thanks everyone for coming out!

LT: So did you actually take any pandas there?

MH: No.

LT: Isn’t that false advertising?

MH: It’s a pun. Panda because our symbol is a panda and pandamonium like the phenomenon.

LT: So…don’t you think you were letting [people] down by not actually having pandas there?

MH: Well, the last time a wild animal was brought to this campus, it was almost killed. So…

LT: It’s a pros and cons thing. You know, it would’ve been cool.

MH: Maybe next year.

LT: So I hear that you tried to fit your body through a coat hanger.

MH: I did; I fit it through a coat hanger.

LT: Why?

MH: Thought it would be kind of funny; someone dared me to.

LT: So thanks for tuning into “Next to a Ficus.” Hopefully, next time we can bring a better guest on that you may find more interesting…than this one.

MH: OK. You asked me here. This is horrible. Yeah, cry. At least no one will see it!

LT: (sniffles) I feel like that was uncalled for.

MH: No.

Video by Lindsay Tracy and Alberto Farino.