Courtesy of Macmillan Publishers

“I walk outside every day knowing that my story could get me killed,” New York Times bestselling author George M. Johnson, who uses they/them pronouns, writes in their newest memoir. 

Anticipating the release of their third memoir, Johnson is no stranger to facing scolding opinions from the public, primarily when it comes to confronting book bans: two years after the release of Johnson’s first memoir, “All Boys Aren’t Blue,” the book had already been banned in 29 school districts. By 2024, the YA memoir was the most challenged book of the year. 

In spite of everything, Johnson is set to release their third memoir, “And If I Die Before I Wake,” on Nov. 10. The memoir –– this time written for an adult audience –– begins when they are diagnosed with HIV at 25. From there, the memoir covers Johnson’s life from starting their career in finance and accounting to stepping into the world of community healthcare and freelance journalism. 

Johnson, who is 41, describes the past two decades of their life through gripping stories of immense loss and grief, lightened by an occasionally comedic style of writing that will make most readers smile through their tears. Throughout, Johnson’s narration feels like catching up with a long-distance best friend as they tell you about their acid trip gone wrong, their battle with alcoholism, and entering adulthood as a queer Black person.

“I want people to come away with the understanding that there’s always time to still figure out life,” Johnson said. “Life is defined as we see it, and I chose many different ways in which to live my life — some good, some bad — but they all kind of go hand in hand together.”

Johnson is in constant conversation with their past self from 10 or 15 years ago. Each chapter of the memoir begins with a letter to one of the author’s past selves about to be discussed in the coming anecdotal pages, addressing the version of themselves that they were in that chapter’s anecdote.

“Those older versions of myself don’t just go away just because I have new knowledge or new awakenings or new life experiences,” Johnson said. “They’re always here with me.” 

 The memoir’s title is borrowed from the Christian bedtime prayer “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep”–– which comes from Johnson’s upbringing in an African American church where their grandmother held a leadership position as a church mother.There is a certain irony in naming their memoir after this prayer; perhaps it is a spiteful symbol against Christian nationalist organizations like Moms For Liberty who led the efforts to ban “All Boys Aren’t Blue” in public schools

Johnson is driven by their passion for service and helping their community. Whether that means handing out condoms and lube at New York City’s gay bathhouses (one of the first jobs Johnson held after leaving accounting), working in AIDS advocacy, or being their late grandmother’s caregiver, the importance of service in their life is difficult to overstate. In their new memoir, Johnson does not shy away from telling stories that expose their struggles to the reader. In sharing a candid account of important life moments like these, Johnson believes that they are helping readers who might be going through similar struggles.

“I watched how many people were healed by ‘All Boys Aren’t Blue.’ … Some people’s lives have been saved because the book got to them in time. When you know that you have that type of power in your storytelling, the less vulnerable you are, the less people can be [helped],” Johnson said. “I am always going to lean towards being my most vulnerable, transparent self. Even if it makes me feel uneasy, even if it makes me feel uncomfortable, that’s part of the work.”

While “And If I Die Before I Wake” is technically a memoir, it would not be surprising to find it in the self-help section of a bookstore. Johnson is upfront with the mistakes they have made, leaving every uncomfortable detail on the page. For the readers experiencing similar moments in their lives, Johnson’s story might serve as a hand to hold.

“Anything I keep out of the book, that’s probably one less person that the book can help,” Johnson said. “That’s when I realized the power that I had by just telling, simply telling my own truth. It was freeing other people to tell theirs.”

For any student who picks up “And If I Die Before I Wake,” Johnson’s story will serve as a valuable reminder that life stories are anything but linear, and when community is at the center of life, even the most sorrowful moments can be overcome.

Johnson will be visiting the Ethical Society of St. Louis during their book tour for “And If I Die Before I Wake” on Nov. 10.