AnaElda Ramos | Illustration Editor

Dear Scene,

My roommates consistently leave the dishes in the sink instead of washing them. Everyone is upset, but no one talks about the problem. It doesn’t feel like a big enough problem to make a fight out of it, but there are still some tense situations.

– Dutiful Dishwasher

Dear Dutiful Dishwasher,

There’s rarely a conversation with roommates about doing the dishes that doesn’t end up looking like the Spiderman meme, with everyone pointing fingers at each other.

“Whose bowl has been sitting in the sink?” you ask.

“Not mine,” replies each and every person who lives there. 

It’s a tale as old as time. At some point or another, we are all the guilty party who left the bowl, not wanting to take the blame for fear of always being held responsible for the growing pile of dirty dishes and silverware in the kitchen. And you’re right, one bowl isn’t enough to pick a fight over. However, small roommate tensions that go unaddressed tend to escalate. It’s better to address them sooner than wait for the final straw, otherwise you end up having a disproportionate reaction to a small problem. 

Luckily for you, Dutiful, now is the perfect opportunity to speak up and change pace.

Without leaning too hard on clichés, it’s true that the new year can be a time to change habits and set new standards. Spring semester operates similarly. You’ve had over a month off from your roommates, there are no dishes in the sink yet (I hope), and nobody is feeling too overwhelmed by their classes. Now is the perfect time to casually bring up the dishes, or whatever other habits plagued you last semester.

What’s important here is to stay away from being accusatory. It’s likely that you, too, had behaviors that your fellow apartment dwellers found less than ideal, so soften the conversation with communal language. Keeping an apartment clean is a group effort, so talk about it as such. Once these standards have been established, if they aren’t being met later on in the semester, your conversation can become more direct. But since it is early, err on the side of assuming the best in your roommates’ capabilities. 

This is not to say you shouldn’t be blunt about these issues; just be mindful of your delivery. Perhaps while washing a dish, so that your comment doesn’t feel out of left field, say something like: “During finals, I found it stressful that the dishes kept piling up. Obviously that’s a busy time, but I think we should try to be more on top of them this semester.”

Or, you could instead offer a new system, like trading off who unloads the dishwasher and who cleans the stovetop. Suggesting a chore calendar or a set time each week where you all get together to tidy up might be your solution to the kitchen fiasco.

These conversations are not restricted to things like dishes. The same ideas can be applied to other apartment habits, or even social dynamics. Were you continually feeling left out by two of your friends last semester? Make plans early on with both of them, setting a precedent of hanging out as a group. Talk about your schedules for the week and see where you overlap — maybe suggest a standing weekly lunch plan.

“New Year, new me” rhetoric is oftentimes overrated and ineffective. But the new semester, fresh off of time apart, offers a great opportunity to get into new rhythms, establish new norms, and have the conversations that you can reference if things don’t get better later on. That way, even if you blow up over a fork in the sink in March, you can at least point out that this isn’t your first time raising the issue. For now, happy washing and Happy New Year.

Your roommates,

Scene