(Elma Ademovic | Student Life)

Dear Scene, 

I have a class with an ex-girlfriend, and she sits super close to me but doesn’t say hi, and it’s a small class…help!

– Cramped Classmate

Dear Cramped Classmate, 

I feel your pain. Right before the fall semester of my sophomore year, I was anxiously awaiting my return to WashU. I loved my new roommates, and I couldn’t wait to get closer with them. I was excited for my classes and to see all my friends. Most of all, I was thrilled to spend the semester with my boyfriend. Everything seemed perfect. This is my year, I thought. 

That’s when it happened. I was dumped without warning about three weeks before move-in. For the sake of letting the past go, I won’t share how it happened, but let’s just say that it was borderline cruel, and he did it in front of my entire family. It was humiliating. I felt numb. The perfect semester I was visualizing had slipped through my fingers. 

When I got to school, all I wanted to do was to avoid my ex. But he was everywhere! The first night back, he stopped me and my roommate and tried to make conversation in BD. I felt like I was going to throw up. He’d come up to me in the library. I’d see him walking to class. I couldn’t escape. Worst of all, about a week into the semester, my new roommate invited me and a friend to a game night with her friend group at their dorm. When I walked into their common room ready to meet new people, my heart dropped. He was there too. I didn’t know what to do. How was I supposed to act normal?

Post-breakup, it feels like everyone who says WashU is a “mid-size school” is lying. Every time you want to avoid someone, they just keep popping up. What are the chances? You’re probably thinking, of course it had to be a small class. The good news is you’re not alone. I guarantee you, everyone here runs into their foes way more often than they ever anticipated. 

Whether you are over the relationship or not — and regardless of how it ended — you’ve got a couple of options here. If you still want your ex in your life, you’re the one who has to make the first move. Maybe try reaching out to reconcile, use your shared class as small-talk material as you file out of the room. Perhaps they’ll meet you halfway, and you can salvage a friendship.

But, make sure to respect your ex’s needs too. If they have set boundaries, you should respect them. Even if you don’t end up being friends, the awkwardness tends to dissolve if you are both on the same page.

If you don’t want to be friends but are concerned about the class dynamics, that’s okay too! Although it’s easier said than done, ignoring your ex and pretending that the awkwardness doesn’t bother you can ultimately help. You could try to change where you sit in class. Don’t talk to them unless they talk to you. Pretending you don’t care can work wonders. 

Another thing you can do is try to branch out in your class. Even though it feels like you two are the only people in the room, that’s not the case. Strike up a conversation with someone new, or throw yourself headfirst into the class material. Making acquaintances or friends with your classmates will both take your mind off your ex and make you feel a lot more comfortable in class.

Ultimately, that’s what helped me the most. In fact, I stayed for that whole night awkward game night, despite the unexpected ex encounter. I’m happy to report that everyone else at game night is now a friend of mine. And, well…I may or may not be dating someone I met there. 

I know the awkwardness is suffocating, but there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there!

Your study buddy, 

Scene