Washington University has a parking problem. Everyone knows it. Most people hate it. The passes are extremely expensive and usually not in very convenient zones. The parking tickets are a burden and are given within minutes of an infraction. It’s a merciless war out there between Wash. U. Parking and Transportation Services and undergraduates. In an effort to bring some levity to this battle, find out which type of Wash. U. parker you are.

Before we begin, do you have a car?

a. Hell yeah, let’s get this quiz rolling!
b. I don’t have a car. I’m going to close this article now.

1. Bumper sticker(s)?

a. “Alpha Kappa Gamma Tau for lyfe <3”
b. “Honk if you think I’m sexy ;)”
c. Never got around to it
d. “Go Bears!”
e. No… It’s a Tesla…

2. Car interior?

a. Littered with clutter but still smells like cupcakes!
b. How many Taco Bell bags can one car hold?
c. Reasonably clean
d. Recently vacuumed
e. Again… It’s a Tesla…

3. You get pulled over, what do you do?

a. Cry
b. Keep talking about who your dad is
c. Panic
d. Be apologetic and respectful
e. Can you hear me? I said, “Tesla”

4. Preferred driving stance

a. Foot on the dash
b. Knees
c. I don’t know? Slouching?
d. My back is straight as a board
e. Just…Jesus Christ…It’s a TESLA

5. If you can’t drive you…?

a. Get a ride from a friend!
b. Uber!!! I died when the frubers went away :(
c. Walk…
d. Lime bike!
e. Do you know who Elon Musk is?

***

Mostly As: My hazards absolve me of all sins and parking tickets don’t matter if I never register my car
Life’s a breeze for you! You’re relaxed, fun-loving and you live your life minute by minute. Pesky things like “parking passes,” “zones” and “hours” don’t bother you! Hazards flipped, shades on and crossing your fingers that Parking Services never recognizes your car.

Mostly Bs: I’ll just keep my car in the Snow Way garage until someone asks to drive it, and then I’ll make them pay the $25 fee
You’re kind of a dirtbag. You’re super smart, and your friends think you’re funny, but you have some work to do in the empathy department. That’s why you make your friends deal with your bad parking habits. They want to go to John’s Donuts? Gonna have to pay the car troll (hint: it’s you).

Mostly Cs: Free parking after 5 p.m. and before 7 a.m. baby
You are normal. You put your shoes on one foot at a time. You sign your emails with “sincerely.” You’re not desperate/crazy enough to buy a parking pass, and you’re conscientious enough to only park when it’s free.

Mostly Ds: Student Yellow pass for Zone 4
You’re a bit much…which isn’t a bad thing! You’re a little type A and you’re very responsible. You like things in a certain order, and you’re the person everyone can rely on. You couldn’t handle the idea of getting a parking ticket so you went ahead and bought the pass. No waste if it preserves your peace of mind!

Mostly E’s: Already parking in Zone 1
You’re a person of status. You drive a Tesla. You’re only friends with other royalty. Your parents managed to scheme you into having a parking pass for a zone that’s not even open yet. You charge your car in the deep underbelly of Brookings construction every day. You need a privilege check.