As much as I hate to say it, dating can be a bit of a game sometimes. With suggestions like, “Don’t double text,” and “Wait [insert absurd number of here] hours to text back,” the process of figuring out whether or not someone is into you can be quite a hassle. In the process of trying to grow an organic connection, you end up jumping through a number of calculated hoops.

Because of this, the concept of playing “hard to get” is a counterintuitive and problematic notion. Dating is already hard enough, and feigning disinterest with someone you actually like only complicates things more.

In the initial stages of a romantic courtship (listen, I hate the phrase “talking” and this was the only synonym I could think of), a lot of your and the other person’s time is spent trying to gauge each other’s interest, so it’s important that you actually show interest. The things that people do in an attempt to play hard to get can often just be interpreted as actual disinterest.

For example, if you’re in an exclusive relationship with someone who is bad at texting, you know that they’re into you, they just aren’t good at texting. If you’re in the process of figuring out your feelings for someone and their responses are either short or infrequent, it is possible that you’ll, logically, just assume they’re not interested.

In this instance and many others, playing hard to get can actually end up backfiring on its perpetrators, which makes things worse for both people involved in the situation.

Additionally, playing hard to get adds a certain level of chase to the dating game, which I’m not sure is exactly desirable. If you’re not actually sure someone is romantically interested because they’re trying to pretend they aren’t, you’re going to have to work harder to make sure your feelings are reciprocated. Perhaps some people like this added chase, but to me it seems to come oddly close to begging for someone’s affection, which I think is an unhealthy concept.

If someone is really worth your time, you shouldn’t have to beg them to reciprocate your feelings. Maybe playing hard to get is just an odd way to show interest, but it’s pretty illogical, and if things do work out, it sets an uncomfortable precedent for the rest of the relationship. I personally don’t think it is a good idea to start a relationship with someone after having to beg them to be open with their emotions.

The idea of playing hard to get can also reinforce a “no means yes” narrative that is at best annoying and at worst deeply harmful. Someone could be made extremely uncomfortable by another person’s actions and be genuinely disinterested, but it could be received as just playing hard to get. In its worst interpretations, this notion could make people disregard the rules of consent, and that makes me incredibly weary.

On a lighter note, vulnerability is a very important communication skill to have. If you really like someone, you should tell them. OK, yes, there are definitely a few situations where this isn’t the best idea, but it’s a principle that I generally try to follow in most circumstances. Tell people how you feel! It’s bold and can be hard, but it’s necessary. Knowing someone has romantic feelings for you is typically pretty heartwarming, especially if you feel the same way. And if not, at least it’s a good ego booster. Also, having a crush is quite an adrenaline rush, so you’ll likely feel better if you’re just open about your emotions, rather than pretending you’re disinterested while simultaneously trying to figure out if the person of your affection is interested.

In summary, don’t play hard to get. It’s counterintuitive and further complicates an already tricky situation, and you don’t want to propagate the idea that disinterest is a sign of interest. The ability to be honest about your feelings is a healthy skill, and playing hard to get prohibits this. Be open about the things you want, and hopefully they’ll come to you.

—Jordan Coley, Staff Columnist