It’s here, folks. It’s that time of year where cautiously optimistic students turn into incoherent zombies. Personally, I’ve barely been able to speak full sentences in English (and yes, this was very hard to type). There’s just not enough time to accommodate all that you need to do in the next couple of weeks.

That being said, you know one thing you know you’ll squeeze in time for? Procrastinating!
If you’re going to procrastinate, you might as well make it productive. Take time to expand your horizons and become familiar with the city that you call home for nine months of the year. What better time to explore St. Louis than now, when you have literally no time whatsoever? As your faithful travel adviser, let me guide you to some local procrastination hot spots.

Ruby Rose | Student Life

Note: For travel times, the starting location is the Danforth University Center.

Destination 1: Maplewood

Maplewood is technically a suburb, but in the way that University City is a suburb—it’s outside the city, but it’s close enough that you forget it doesn’t count. A couple of places to check out are:

Mauhaus Cat Cafe.

This newly opened establishment is exactly what it sounds like: It’s a coffee shop full of cats. You enter from the coffee shop side, check in with the barista, sign a waiver and wait until you’re escorted into the second half of the store, which is a play area full of cats. For an hour, you can pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist and that your only job is to Pet. Some. Cats. The cats are rescues from local nonprofit Tenth Life and many of them are also up for adoption. You can become an even better procrastinator, through, if you bring a lil’ kitty home. Adopt one for your professor, too! This is not bribery!
Location: 3101 Sutton Blvd.
Travel Time: About a 10-minute drive. You can also take the MetroLink blue line to the Sunnen stop—it’s a 13-minute walk from there.
Cost: Online reservation costs $10 for an hour, which gives you a $10 credit to use in their cafe. If you don’t want to reserve online, you can do a walk-in session, but the wait time could be long.

Boogaloo.

This restaurant serves Cuban/Creole/Caribbean inspired dishes. The food is pretty good, and also, it’s fun saying “boogaloo” 10 times fast. The best part is definitely the bar. Instead of having stools or chairs, Boogaloo has swings (swings!). Where else can you eat empanadas AND have a drink AND avoid responsibilities AND be on a swing?
Location: 7344 Manchester Rd.
Travel Time: An 11-minute drive or a 14-minute walk from the Maplewood-Manchester MetroLink station.
Cost: Some of their entrees are on the pricier end, but if you stick to the cheaper menu items, you won’t have to spend more than $15.

Destination 2: Central West End

The Central West End is much more familiar to us, since it’s so close. Still, there are still plenty of places that you could waste hours in:

Cassie’s Scent Bar.

Guys. This place is a gem. They sell candles and scented oils. If you, like me, are a middle-aged suburban mom on the inside, this place is perfect. They also have novelty items similar to those from Phoenix Rising on the Delmar Loop, which make great holiday gifts for a range of family members, from your favorite aunt to your weird cousin who only comes out of hiding once every three years and is really into applesauce. Do I have a specific cousin in mind that I’m thinking about here? If I answer that question with another question, will it make me seem cool and cryptic? Doesn’t matter. Point is: Everyone loves socks with swearwords on them.
Location: 316 N Euclid Ave.
Travel Time: A 12-minute drive. Take the #1 bus from Mallinckrodt to Euclid and Maryland, which will drop you off right in front of the store. If you’re set on taking the MetroLink, it’s a 14-minute walk from Central West End station.
Cost: Free smells! Some of their candles, jewelry and bath products are on the pricier end, but they have kitschy novelty items like socks, wallets, soaps, etc. for under $10.

Left Bank Books.

This is a decision you can feel (sort of) good about. Procrastinate on rereading a textbook. Instead, come to this independent bookstore and read a new book. You’re still reading a book! If you’re not sure what to pick up, the staff is a blessing; they are both very hip and very friendly, which is an unlikely combination. They also have a resident cat (unsure of his hipness to friendliness ratio).
Location: 399 N Euclid Ave.
Travel Time: An 11-minute drive. Not super close to the Central West End Metrolink, but again, if you take the #1 bus from Mallinckrodt, it’ll drop you off right in front of the store; get off at the Euclid and McPherson stop.
Cost: New books are, as expected, pretty pricy. But if you go downstairs, they have a used book section that actually has great titles at more affordable prices.

Destination 3: Richmond Heights

Like Maplewood, Richmond Heights is another suburb close to Washington University. It’s best known by students for being home to the Saint Louis Galleria. It’s also close to the dreamy strip of land known as the Brentwood Target/Trader Joe’s/World Market corner. Check out these places:

Saint Louis Galleria.

OK, hear me out: I know you know about the Galleria. This isn’t some hot secret that you would’ve never thought of had you not been enlightened by yours truly. And I know that it’s not that exciting—I mean, it’s a shopping mall. But here’s the thing—during finals, an ordinary shopping mall can turn into a procrastination haven. Remember when you were 12, and you’d hang out at the mall with your six best friends? Revel in that middle school nostalgia by putting on your ancient Hot Topic T-shirt, skateboarding to the mall and finding some actual middle school kids to loiter with! Regal them with tales of your own middle school experience. Remember that time Amanda shoved a Gusher up her nose on a dare? Who was your favorite of the OG “Teen Moms”? Can we talk about Formspring? As my Writing 1 teaching assistant inadvertently taught me oh so many years ago, there’s no better way to waste your time than by wasting other people’s time.
Location: 1155 St. Louis Galleria St.
Travel Time: A nine-minute drive, or a five-minute walk from the Richmond Heights MetroLink station.
Cost: Up to you, if you want to ball out of control.

Helium Comedy Club.

Technically, this is part of the Galleria. But still—this comedy club, which opened relatively recently, is one of the closest venues to see comedy in St. Louis. They showcase a mix of local and touring comedians. Their weekend shows focus on national headliners, while their weeknight shows highlight local talent. They have a show where you can heckle the comics! There’s another one dedicated just to dirty jokes! There’s an open mic! Maybe you could bring your middle school mall friends to a show and procrastinate to your fullest potential.
Location: 1151 St. Louis Galleria St.
Travel Time: A nine-minute drive, or a five-minute walk from the Richmond Heights MetroLink station.
Cost: For weekend shows, tickets are usually around $20 to $30. That said, Helium runs promotions on its Facebook and Twitter where you can get tickets for half-off. The shows during the week range from $0 to $10. For all shows, though, there is a two-order minimum of food and/or drinks. Check the calendar on their website for more information.

Destination 4: Lafayette Square

Admittedly, Lafayette Square is more of a hike than these other neighborhoods. But it’s also one of the most beautiful parts of St. Louis: Historic Victorian homes, a nice park and thriving businesses characterize this near-downtown area. If you’re going to go through the effort of hauling yourself all the way over, here’s one place that you should for sure go to:

Clementine’s Creamery.

God, I love this place. The ice creams split up into naughty flavors (which include booze) and nice flavors (which are nonalcoholic). Get a naughty scoop and a nice scoop, get two nice scoops, get two naughty scoops. Ask the employees to just throw together three mystery scoops for you. Whatever you choose, they won’t judge! I know this because the last time I was at Clementine’s, I ordered four scoops and I asked the cashier if she was judging me. She said no. It has been confirmed that this is a judgment-free zone. You know what they will judge, though? If you leave early to study for an exam.
Location: 1637 S. 18th St.
Travel Time: A 15-minute drive, or a 20-minute walk from the Union Station MetroLink.
Cost: Reasonable for an ice cream shop that describes itself as a “microcreamery” like fancy hipsters. Expect to spend around $5, give or take a couple of bucks.

And then maybe, if there’s time, you can finish that essay.