“Women aren’t women anymore,” at least according to Suzanne Venker. In a Fox News article not-so-subtly titled “The War on Men,” Venker argues that women “have been raised to think of men as the enemy.” Women have so changed the dynamic between the sexes by working and becoming sexually liberated that men not only no longer want to marry them, but feel as if women have “undermined their ability to become self-sufficient.” Luckily, if women simply “surrender to their nature,” then their Prince Charmings will whisk them off to Candyland to live happily ever after. That last part is my own embellishment, I’ll admit, but the rest of her article is almost as deluded. Not only is Venker’s conception of gender norms fundamentally flawed, she doesn’t consider the positive changes that have resulted from the feminist movement.

I agree that gender norms have changed in recent years, but they’ve always been more complicated than the rigid dichotomy that Venker assumes. Most of you are familiar with the Disney movie “Mulan,” based on a classical Chinese poem. In the poem, Fa Mulan fights for 12 frickin’ years, rises through the ranks and is never discovered. It’s a stretch to call the original poem feminist in the modern sense, but it’s certainly a representation of more fluid gender roles. Feminism and changing ideas about gender have freed a lot of people sexually, financially and socially. This is certainly for the better; women now are able to develop themselves intellectually, personally and professionally in ways that weren’t possible in the past. This has certainly presented new challenges, but so does any kind of social change as a whole.

One frustrating aspect of this article is that Venker has such a fairytale conception of love, marriage and gender. Every romantic relationship in every classic fairy story from Snow White to Rapunzel includes a man and a woman and ends in marriage. No anxiety over their respective sexualities, no wondering who’s going to bring home the bacon and who’s going to raise the baby. Given that she’s supposed to be analyzing society in a realistic manner, Venker makes assumptions that are both insulting and more than a little naive. Not only are women just as suited by nature to work and pursue academics as are men, but men, in my experience, are also not sniveling babies (except when they have colds; then they’re useless) who can’t find marriageable ladies. They don’t complain about how women won’t let them provide for their families or girlfriends or pet fish. Additionally, as many previous responses have pointed out, the piece ignores the existence of individuals who identify as homosexual, bisexual, transgender, polyamorous and a whole slew of other identities that aren’t encompassed in a standard episode of “The Brady Bunch.”

Even in the army, a traditional bastion of masculinity, the divide between men and women is becoming increasingly blurry. Earlier this week, our servicewomen, all of whom have served in Iran and Afghanistan, are suing to be allowed in active combat situations. These women “aren’t women,” by Venker’s proposed definition; not only do they want to go into combat, but they also want to rise up through the military ranks. These servicewomen and I are supposed to “surrender to [our] nature,” but what does that mean? I like to bake, but I want to have a legal career. I’m a female who identifies as heterosexual and wants to get married; I’m barely nudging the gender-norms envelope. Those servicewomen are protecting both Venker’s and my civilian butts, not to mention the saggy butts of millions of men in this country who are too obese or too selfish to join the army themselves. They are strong, and they are certainly women.

Given that Venker is a real woman and not a Disney princess, her personal struggle with her identity as a woman, a mother and a human being is probably more complex than the simple picture she paints in the article. The idea of rigid gender norms is comforting, I suppose; it’s much easier simply to follow a pattern than worry about the ramifications of change. But retreating into a fairytale world and urging the rest of us to do the same is hardly the solution; actually, it’s kind of delusional.