Maybe, when you were in high school, you never got asked to prom. Or maybe you did, only for your date to kiss your best friend during an Usher song (romantic!). Either way, college is a clean slate — an opportunity for redemption.

This was exactly how I approached Bear Beginnings. I had decided that my less-than-ideal romantic prospects in high school were not a byproduct of two years missed due to the pandemic, or my (maybe overly) academic focus, or even my personality. I was single because it was high school, and everyone was young and stupid. And when I got to college, I would get cuffed right away, proving that high school was the problem, not me, right?

I took my romantic mission seriously. During move-in, I shook hands with a guy whose hands were shockingly dry during a sweaty Missouri August. I decided that he was “the one,” and I put a whiteboard on the wall of my Dauten suite’s common room with two equally important countdowns: “days without bugs” and “days since seeing ‘dry hands guy.’”

But my mission didn’t end at “dry hands guy.” I had never been surrounded by so many interesting, intelligent people who were all looking to make connections. I found “true love” nearly every day: in the grill line at the Bear’s Den, at the inevitable after-hours Swamp hangout, and, most dangerously, at a party, egged on by drunk girls saying, “He’s in love with you!”

Despite the excitement of these interactions, nothing came of them. As the “days since seeing ‘dry hands guy’” count reached double-digits (and the “days without bugs” count was continually erased to zero), I felt discouraged. Maybe high school wasn’t the problem. Maybe it was me.

To distract myself from this feeling, I tried to find fulfillment outside of the hunt for a relationship. I tried out for a cappella and joined a group. I never ate dinner alone on Sundays, surrounding myself with people at the Catholic Student Center. I came home to Dauten neighbors on our couch most nights, and the StudLife newsroom started to feel like home every Wednesday night (often into Thursday morning). My common room whiteboard was soon filled with names of visitors and friends, not a countdown regarding my love life. Accidentally, I had found the love I was searching for.

I had wanted to erase or rewrite my high school romantic experiences right away. Instead, I learned that I didn’t need to “redeem” myself. I realized I didn’t need a relationship to prove that there was “nothing wrong with me” (beyond some admittedly delusional tendencies). I was loved just as I was, and by so many amazing new people. 

Soon, you will meet some of the people who will become your biggest cheerleaders and closest friends. You will become an integral part of communities that love you. I would trade the handshake I shared with “dry hands guy” a million times over for the love I have gotten to experience here (no offense, “dry hands guy,” if you’re reading this!).

So if you don’t meet “the one” during Bear Beginnings, remember that there is so much love coming straight towards you. And by making friendships and joining communities, you might just find someone who makes you forget about high school prom.