“Don’t trust the first group of friends you make.” “Your roommate will become your best friend.” “If you don’t find a group within the first couple of weeks of college, you’ve missed your chance to make friends in your first semester.”

This was what my brain was bombarded with while scrolling on social media for months before I set foot on the South 40. My mind was primed with “college-maxxing” rhetoric of what smart students were doing to get ahead, how to survive orientation week, but, most importantly to a first-year in college, how to make friends that last longer than a week.

I already felt behind. I had to go random to find a roommate and stayed in my room the first night only to hear later about a huge informal game and socializing night that I missed on the Swamp; I felt like I was missing every early opportunity to meet new people. =

I skeptically continued to follow the generic advice. I had little faith in orientation activities, but I decided to go to movie night on the Swamp with my roommates. In the middle of the film, a girl in front of me confused me with her roommate’s friend’s roommate. We found out we both did dance and journalism, consumed the same media, and both felt behind in making friends here. It was the most genuine conversation I had since arriving. Little did I know this girl would become my future roommate, fellow editor, and one of my best friends at WashU.

She introduced me to a friend group that I have continued to grow closer to. Over the course of the year, we put on surprise birthday parties, organized a mock version of the reality TV show “The Traitors,” and even managed to schedule a lunch at Dr. G’s. Within the first month, my fears of the first friend phenomenon started to fade away.

This is not to say that first-years need to make friends during orientation week. I saw many situations play out, from roommates deciding to stick together for another year to those who jumped between groups for the majority of the semester before finding their people. I just happened not to experience any of the scenarios that social media had prepackaged in my brain. 

The tips I saw online were also not entirely fruitless suggestions, despite the anxiety and insecurity they caused me in my early friendships. The advice about putting yourself out there to make new connections is some of the best. Leave your door open during the first week. Go to every orientation event. Join clubs that pique your interest. I have found lasting friendships from following this advice, but they weren’t my first or only lasting friends.

The internet sometimes provides the illusion of a security blanket that can make first-years feel more comfortable with the college transition process. Social media can serve as a platform to meet new people who you end up becoming best friends with before you arrive. On the flip side, it can also connect you with people who turn out to be toxic or increase anxiety about the friend-making process, as it did for me. My advice is to take in any information about making friends in college as neutrally as possible. Trust that you will find people to connect with without worrying about arbitrary deadlines like orientation week or the first week of classes — orientation week is exhausting enough on its own without a friend-maxxing regimen. You will meet people on your own time.

The most important part about making friendships is being open. Be open to going out into St. Louis with new people. Be open to talking about different people’s interests and hobbies. Be open to the occasionally uncomfortable or awkward moments of making new connections. People don’t become friends because they’re perfectly aligned with each other, but because they’re willing to mold to each other.

The internet, as a polarizing force, feeds off of all-or-nothing content. The idea that you will either meet your best friends online through the rooming process or never speak to anyone whom you talk to during orientation week is an oversimplification. Making friends in college, just like most of life, doesn’t fit into a black-and-white picture or a 30-second TikTok video.