This one is for my “chalant” community — if you think you might be an idealist, hopeless romantic, or, in general, a chalant character, I hope my words resonate with you. Don’t get me wrong, meticulously crafting four playlists a month is a good habit, notes app soliloquies can be masterpieces, and monologuing to friends about your favorite class shows passion and commitment. I believe that feeling strongly about something is admirable; we are just stuck in a time where being unbothered can be far more appealing. 

College life breeds nonchalance, or a lack of meaning in many aspects of life. Although we are more emotionally intelligent than we were in high school, there is something numbing about existing in yet another liminal period of your life — like we are continually waiting for the day all of our hard work will pay off. Everything — our city, our friends, and even our jobs — could so easily be situational. This atmosphere of dispassion is only exacerbated by the resurgence of skewed interpretations of stoicism, such as those shared by the hustle culture community, where some advocate for complete emotional detachment. So, how does one balance being chalant in a world that imposes skater-boy aloofness?

I’m certainly guilty of using nonchalance to cope with an extensive to-do list. Again and again, I found myself questioning if one class was truly worth taking. Later, I realized this was a mechanism to console myself after a bad grade or to make sense of the burnout I felt, even though I had enrolled out of genuine interest. A hard class or not, the time I could have devoted to engaging myself was instead spent rolling my eyes at the thought of actually having to try, especially when everyone around me made it look so effortless.

In college, the many decisions we must make out of necessity can make us feel detached. We have requirements to fulfill and resumés to bolster. But don’t let it break your enthusiasm. What is the point of achieving some goal if we dislike the entire process? Isn’t pursuing our dreams the reason we’re all here? This is WashU, not purgatory. Despite arbitrary hurdles, we’re still here to learn and to get something meaningful out of it. So why dull ourselves down? If you feel you are starting to lose that elusive freshman spark, remember that college might be your last chance to learn (for example, a language) in a setting surrounded by experts and fellow students. This situation calls for chalance — embrace it!

Although it sounds contradictory, relationships are another breeding ground for emotional detachment. Whether it’s the choosy club, the flaky friend, or the what-could-have-been, doors will close and continue to. As someone who cares, it can feel incredibly isolating when this happens. We might get caught up in feelings of loss or rejection when we should really focus on people who are happy to give us their time and enthusiasm. But don’t take it personally. One piece of advice I have is to remember this: college students are looking out for themselves and doing their best to accomplish their own dreams and goals, just like you are. Having the time to work on ourselves is a privilege, and if you need to hear it, you should be a little selfish sometimes, too. 

In other words, relationships require a balance. As a chalant individual, you likely find it easy to express your emotions to others. However, if you find yourself constantly caring more, be wary of a situation that lacks reciprocation. You might have felt valued only for what you can offer someone, rather than your own qualities. In cases like this, instead of letting go of your emotions, feel them through, and then think of where your energy might be put to better use. 

Even the stoics would agree — they never believed in repressing emotions entirely, but sought instead to understand and manage them wisely. Anyways, in order to better understand our emotions, don’t we have to feel them first? Don’t get too surprised when I quote “Tuesdays With Morrie” — you already knew I was a comrade of chalance. But one line that stuck with me was this: “Detachment doesn’t mean you don’t let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That’s how you are able to leave it.” 

College pressures us to be nonchalant as a way to deal with its trivialities and brace ourselves for change. But that doesn’t mean sitting with our emotions is bad. Actually, it means we can better understand them. And it shows we care.