Hey, you. Do you need a pep talk to start this school year? Did you already get one from your mom? Do you want another one? Whether you answered with a resounding “yes!!!” or a lukewarm “please get away from me and let me finish my sandwich in peace,” I’m here to give you a pep talk! My future career is “43-year-old woman wedged in back seat of the Campus Circulator vaguely mumbling to herself and spontaneously screaming unsolicited pieces of questionable advice at unsuspecting Circ patrons,” so I figured I’d start practicing now. Anyway, here are some things to keep in mind for the upcoming year:

Christina Wang | Student Life

Class of 2019

Welcome to college!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you! There are all these cool people on your freshman floor! You’re probably really eager to meet your BFFs for life immediately! I hate saying this, but you’re probably not going to meet your BFFs for life immediately! And that’s okay! Don’t be discouraged if you don’t find your best friends and your favorite activities within the first week/month/semester of school. Good friendships aren’t built in a day. Kind of like Rome! I mean, if Rome were built in a day, it would’ve crumbled immediately and crushed all the peasants to death! That’s the same thing that happens when you pick the first person you see on your freshman floor to be your best friend! College is all about weak analogies! But yeah, be patient.
Also, a side note: When you’re walking on the sidewalk, MOVE TO THE RIGHT. The school takes this very seriously. You will get expelled if you fail to do this. Alright, you will not actually get expelled, but seriously, please just do this for everyone’s sake.

Class of 2018

Look at you, big shot! You’re not a freshman anymore! But like, maybe you’re still not sure what you’re doing. Maybe you haven’t found your people, or you’re still thinking about rushing or you’re still wondering what you’re doing academically. The sophomore slump is real. It happens to most people in some capacity. Sophomore year is a weird transition phase, which turns into a prime time for existential meltdowns regarding (but not limited to) not being happy with where you are socially, academically, personally, professionally, etc. But don’t worry! Cry it out! Cry it out to an adult, like your academic advisor! They’re great at reminding you that you’re 20 and most things are not the end of the world. Also, they probably have candy! Candy goes great with tears. Also, you can talk about changing your major while you’re already in their office. It’s going to be great!!!

Class of 2017

Did I just throw up into a bucket because we’re halfway done with college? No!!!! Of course not!!!! It’s hard to wrap around how quickly times goes, but on the bright side, I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all evolved tremendously since freshman year. In the words of some professor I was half listening to, “Junior year is when students figure out who to get coffee with, and where to get coffee, and how to actually drink coffee without audibly expressing disgust.” Here’s to having a little more stability and hoping for some clarity.

Class of 2016

KEEP IT TOGETHER, Y’ALL. KEEP IT TOGETHER. THIS IS GOING TO BE IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT ALL OF SENIOR YEAR IS A SERIES OF SCREAMS! PARTLY FROM ME, MOSTLY FROM YOU, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? IT’S OK! YOU’RE DOING GREAT! ACCORDING TO MOVIES AND POP CULTURE, ENJOY THE HECK OUT OF THIS LAST YEAR BECAUSE IT’S THE LAST YEAR OF MINIMAL RESPONSIBILITY AND MAXIMUM FREEDOM. IT’S FINE IF YOU DON’T GET A JOB. IT’S FINE. YOU CAN LIVE IN MY MOM’S BASEMENT. SHE’S FINE WITH IT. WE TALKED. THE POINT IS THAT THIS IS YOUR TIME TO REMEMBER THAT YOU’VE ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK IN THE END, AS LONG AS YOU DON’T START SMOKING CRACK. ARE WE GOOD? GOOD.