Student Life | The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since 1878

How to give a textbook blow job

So, here goes my knowledge collected from interviewing men and women, and my observations (including those drawn from porn), which I will organize into a list of tips to be used at one’s own discretion. Remember: all men—and their penises—are different. These are not rules. Also, remember, STDs are transmitted from oral sex, too!

So…

1. Always keep the entirety of the shaft of the penis and the head covered with something, mouth or hand. As I find that not everyone is capable of deepthroating manuevers, especially when it comes to a man who is well endowed, I often find it helpful to think of blowjobs as handjob-blowjob combos; keep your left hand on the shaft in rhythm with your mouth over the head and whatever shaft you are able to keep in your mouth.

2. Mix it up, but not too much: Try and balance trying to create a unique experience for your partner (swirling of your tongue over the head, movement of your tongue down the shaft in succession, for example) with consistent rhythm that can maintain and build an orgasm.

3. This is pretty basic, but, start slow, move to intermediate pace, and finally move your tongue and mouth quickly in sync with your partner’s breathing patterns, sounds, and body language. Keeping your focus in tune not only with your technique but how your partner is responding is crucial!

4. Don’t neglect the balls! I don’t mean any “teabagging” or anything necessarily but maybe some gentle cupping. It depends on the guy, of course, and how much he trusts you. Handle when confident and handle with care.

5. CAVEATS: Keep nails short to avoid any scratching that could be caused by your multitasking activity! On that note, it’s important to remind that the penis is a gentle organ that needs TLC, not violent manipulation. A blowjob does not mean literally sucking on a penis–you don’t want to turn it into a hickey stick! Rhythmic caressing by tongue, mouth, and hand is the best way to ensure a pleasant experience.

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  • LoveBreeder says:

    And after you do him with a great blowjob, you can ask him to do cunnilingus in return. What`s fair is fair… If you have some doubts on how to do it, I found some great advices at “How To Give Cunnilingus”.

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  • Mike Shmalolem says:

    This is too funny. First, you can’t teach a woman to give a good blowjob because what one man likes another may hate. Second, it’s a participation sport. You can’t describe it. Interactive/real-time. Third, practice makes perfect. Simple truth that rarely gets discussed – most women, um, suck at giving blowjobs. The difference in technique and ability between the average woman and a woman who really “gets it” is huge. Most women are too consumed with judging the man and their own “needs” (read: selfish).

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    • Nina says:

      Well, the enthusiasm factor is key. There’s a huge difference between a woman who loves what she is doing and one who acts like she is licking a bug.

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  • Steve Jones says:

    Hey, maybe this isn’t such a bad idea. After all, graduates in the age of Obama can look forward to an unpaid internship and a huge college debt. Perhaps instuctions on how to give a good blow job will come in handy when they actually have to put food on the table. Nothing at all wrong with examining alternative professions, particularly in the current economic climate. LoL.

    Sol Asylum

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  • 2010 alum says:

    Go Lucy!! I guarantee that this article is far more relevant to the readers of this newspaper than 90% of the rest of its content (SU Senate self-importance, CS40 bs). Chris’ response was totally on point. Alexis, you’re a dumbass for turning down an acceptance to grad school at such an excellent institution because of an op-ed piece written in the undergrad newspaper.

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  • Jim Bob says:

    i love getting blow jobs especially different ones

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  • Joel says:

    While I believe that sexuality is an intrinsic part of our nature, and merits frank, open and honest discussions, this article (and the series of articles I see below by the same author) has little place in the newspaper which is funded and sponsored by the University. This is titilation, not education. This is is sensationalism, not research. It isn’t even an opinion, an editorial, or something that invites contemplation – its pretty much porn. If an individual at WashU wants to blog about and post material of this sort, so be it – there are plenty of free forums on the internet. BUT, it has no place in anything that is in anyway funded by the University, tuition, donors, the endownment, etc.

    J, BA, 1997

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  • Chris says:

    Apologies for the double post but I just can’t help myself.

    In reaction to the attack from our friend the Right Wing: this subject isn’t what we’re “taught.” It’s a column in the student newspaper. A column, of course, that no academic course requires students to read. Very little of our tuition is put toward the newspaper in the first place, let alone these individual articles. So, the claim that this is what we spend our money on is nothing more than an uneducated, sweeping generalization we’ve come to expect from you. Of course, I realize your whole goal is to antagonize and instigate conflict, but it bothers me that anyone takes you seriously.

    I took a look at the gatewaypundit site. I’d much rather read our sex column than stare at that cesspool of negativity and all the hateful comments. I imagine there must be a more positive outlet for all of you than that. Do what you want with your free time, of course, but being part of something so vitriolic can’t be good for you.

    Next, I respond to John Gargano. I found this interesting:
    “Most of my letters to the editor were stupid angry rants. I had no idea how detrimental they were to me until much later on.”
    I’m glad you’ve learned your lesson, John. That aside, our “diploma’s”[sic] aren’t any less valuable now than when this article was printed. Even if they were, at least with our diplomas comes the ability to use punctuation correctly (check your rules of commas, apostrophes, and semicolons) and to, well, write. People don’t “transcend” hurdles; they jump over them. What trend in contemporary culture are you talking about? Are you implying that censorship is a good thing? Can we censor you? Next time, honestly, don’t bother.

    Finally, to everyone: if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

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  • Chris says:

    No academic institution is above the study of sex and sexuality. If you think this article needs to be censored, then you really should reevaluate who you think is immature. Sex affects most people, so it’s worth studying and talking about.
    Just because we’re willing to discuss a subject that really shouldn’t be taboo in the first place doesn’t mean we’re immoral or on track to becoming sex addicts.

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  • Wash U. Sophomore says:

    Good for gatewaypundit! It is a more respectable rag than this paper. I don’t need someone educating me on a bj. Lucy needs to find something better to do with her time and limited mentality. What an idiot.

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  • fscone says:

    J:

    It’s “in another edition” not “in another addition”, you twit.

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  • Eun says:

    J, I thought liberals and Democrats were all about acceptance and tolerance — even in regards to different points of view.

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  • Oh my, how hip all these independent thinkers are these days. And to think that when I was in college I had to sit through the durdgery of study and research almost every night. Kudos to you all, openminded, oh so progresive, future sex addicts of the world. Take that you prudish, close minded traditionalists.

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  • John Gargano says:

    Appealing to people’s instincts requires very little effort and even less intellectual merit. In this case I see that you have succeeded in illustrating your abilities on both accounts. You are clearly following the current trend of contemporary culture in putting forth a mere spectacle as something of merit – which, I promise you, it wasn’t. On top of that, you have also succeeded in devaluing the diploma’s given out by your university. Laugh now, later on it will be an entirely different matter for you. Too bad those who are the custodian’s of your best interests didn’t censor this article realizing the extent to which it will be detrimental to both you and the university. And for what over-riding purpose was this allowed to go to print? Well lets see, you got to indulge in your propensity to be immature and you perhaps expended the boundaries of adolescent behavior another notch. Oh, and lets not forget you also got to exercise your right to free speech and freedom of the press.

    I too wrote things for the college newspaper I later came to regret. Most of my letters to the editor were stupid angry rants. I had no idea how detrimental they were to me until much later on. I hope you too can transcend the hurdle you have placed in front of yourself.

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  • Denise says:

    As a Wash U graduate, I am appalled that the Student Newspaper is publishing a sex manual. It just makes me so proud to be an Alum – NOT! Good to know that all those donations for student scholarships are going for such worthy pursuits.

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  • Alexis says:

    Porn is porn. Allowing this to be printed in the school newspaper is acknowledging that there are no boundaries. Everything is okay, even graphic porn. I was accepted to Wash. U. for grad school but now know I will go with one of my better offers. This is disgusting. Wash. U. should be ashamed and embarrassed.

    I am not right wing. Who gives a damn if anyone is a Republican. This goes beyond that. It is about common sense and decency.

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  • Dick Hungwell says:

    Is there a class that teaches Blow Jobs at Wash U ? I need to send my wife!

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  • dmatter says:

    $40,000 well spent. Thank you.

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  • J says:

    In another addition of “friends don’t let friends become Republicans,” a right-wing blog is attacking Wash U for “allowing” this article: http://gatewaypundit.firstthings.com/2010/02/wash-u-student-paper-how-to-give-a-textbook-blw-job/#comments

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  • Pascal says:

    Hey great start, definitely like what you’re getting at. Check out a more in-depth guide to giving great blow jobs here: http://www.lionsdenu.com/sex-files-how-to-give-great-blow-jobs/

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  • Matthew carmon says:

    That defintly worked on my partener. Just to let you know I am gay and it worked on serval of my men then they tried it on me but also tucked me with a differnt person open to female sex but men are so much better.

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  • Nathan O. says:

    Thanks Lucy! My S/O is definitely in for a nice surprise!

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Student Life | The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since 1878