I mean this in a nice way, but Chris, you’re not, like, super relevant as a stand-alone figure anymore, you know?

As I’m sure you all know, last Friday was Fall Break, the most misleadingly named day off from school I’ve ever encountered. Don’t get me wrong; I love Fall Break. Whether I’ve stayed on campus or sojourned otherwise, I’ve always had a great time on my day off in October. There’s always been something missing, though.

A week ago, Oct. 12, was Columbus Day—a fact that probably went by unnoticed by most, unless they happened to glance at a calendar that noted federal American holidays. Since I have become more aware of the historical inaccuracy and deletions of key facts present in my elementary school’s history curriculum, which continued in various degrees at subsequent levels of my education until recently, every 12th of October I have been a little miffed about why we recognize Columbus and his “discovery” of the “New World.”