Bravo, the network known for Top Chef and for being gayer than LOGO, recently premiered the pilot of their latest “Real Housewives” spinoff this past Wednesday, set in our very own home city of St. Louis. And if the pilot was any indication, this could be the trashiest edition of “Real Housewives” yet. Not in the trashy, Bravo-brand way that we all crave to watch with a goblet full of white wine but like literal trash. Cancel it, please, Bravo. We implore you. This is more of an embarrassment to the city of St. Louis and Washington University than that time we almost brought Bristol Palin to campus.

The producers of “Real Housewives” chose what should have been a spectacular cast, including the First Lady of Wash. U. herself, Risa Zwerling Wrighton; the Czar of Nutrition Connie Diekman; the First Lady of St. Louis who only goes by Mrs. Mayor; and the wife of the President of Monsanto, Janice Grant.

Risa Zwerling Wrighton was thankfully the most levelheaded, content on rescuing dogs and walking around Brookings Hall in Olivia Pope-inspired outfits. Her constant poking fun at the chancellor and his double-breasted suits was adorable, as well as the many shots of her single-handedly shutting down puppy mills in the St Louis area. But as great of a program Home Plate is, the Bravo producers made it seem like every time she had a successful interaction at a Home Plate dinner with a freshman from Wash. U. she had cured cancer. Are college students really as awful as Bravo makes us out to be? This review is probably strong evidence for the prosecution.

The episode never makes it clear if Connie Diekman is actually a housewife or married or divorced or single, but that was never the point of any of the “Housewives” spinoffs. Connie’s Choice of liquor is vodka, but, and I quote, “not that dirty bathwater called Svedka those d— Wash. U. kids drink.“ Whether or not she switched to Stoli martinis after seeing the Woody Allen film “Blue Jasmine” is yet to be determined. She definitely is as deluded as Cate Blanchett’s titular character was and possibly as drunk. Connie spends almost all of her screen time drunker than a freshman at fall W.I.L.D., storming around the kitchens of Bear’s Den and trying to figure out what delicious food option she can ruin or just straight out cut from the menu. A chef made the mistake of suggesting making the pizza station less greasy, and she tossed her martini onto his shirt.

It wouldn’t be a “Real Housewives” episode if one of the housewives wasn’t trying to become a pop star, so Mrs. Mayor took it upon herself to attempt a music career. Her appropriation of gay slang in her attempted gay anthem “Slay, Mama, Slay” was too farcical to be offensive. Her debut performance at Attitudes was a train wreck, but that’s to be expected from both an untalented housewife and the venue itself. It’s safe to say that Mrs. Mayor is no Countess LuAnn.

I would have loved if the spinoff addressed the strangeness of the fact that the CEO of Monsanto is named Hugh Grant. Like, the same name of the guy who so embodied the spirit of Great Britain that he played the Prime Minister in “Love Actually.” But Mr. Grant is a Scottish man and so is his wife, Janice. Janice Grant spends most of her time going to benefits and complaining about the brand of whiskey being served in a thick Scottish brogue, as well as interrogating the kitchen staff about which farm her salad’s lettuce came from. If she hasn’t heard of it, she immediately deploys the Monsanto drones to drop seeds on the farm so they can eventually sue the farmer for all they’re worth. It’s effective but repetitive.

Bravo’s house style of shots of the city skyline and streets became especially grating in this spinoff. If you played a drinking game where every time you saw the Arch you drank, you would be dead by the end of the episode. St. Louis’s lack of landmarks needs to be addressed by the city, or shows set here become the laughingstocks of television critics. Even television critics think we’re lame now. Hopefully the critical mauling this show will receive will be enough to get it canceled. Until then, if you were feeling any positive emotions toward your school or your city, turn on this show and watch them all disappear quicker than Connie can down a martini.