Courtesy of S. McGuiness, White Male

Effective immediately, Stanford McGuiness III, who received his Master’s in cognitive and evolutionary anthropology from Oxford University and wrote his graduate thesis on “Why White Still Matters,” will be leading all the school’s diversity initiatives, a position he hopes will make his friends believe he actually cares about diversity.

He hopes to be the symbol for inclusion at Washington University, a school where he considers himself a minority due to his Lutheran beliefs.

“It’s hard to come to a school nicknamed ‘Wash. Jew’ and not feel marginalized. But I believe in the resurrection and the life and I know that Jesus is watching over me,” McGuiness said.

McGuiness plans to make the Center a safe space for persecuted groups on campus, like his own, who need refuge from divisive campus conversations like those that have taken place in recent months.

“Sometimes we all struggle to understand bin Laden and his people, and you have to respect students willing to bring this all closer to home and try to empathize,” he said. “It’s not just about understanding the impact, it’s about the intent—and sometimes what people don’t understand is that Americans feel through their guns.”

His office will be located at the Institute for School Partnership, two blocks north of the Delmar Loop, where McGuiness says he will be ideally situated to connect with the “less-than-white” members of the community.

“Especially in so-called diverse neighborhoods, people like me need refuge,” McGuiness said.

Wrighton said the decision to house the Center there is part of the ongoing plan to gentrify the Delmar Loop while professing to care about diversity and community engagement.

“I’m all for diversity,” Wrighton said. “Just as long as this diversity is white and upper-class.”

McGuiness hopes to be a visible figure on campus, learning each student by name and by story—at least, as long as their names are Anglo-American and stories feature white male protagonists whose struggles parallel those of Joseph Conrad, his favorite author.

“I’m a really nice guy, and I have lots of black friends,” McGuinness said. “And no one should come away from Wash. U. feeling like they’ve fallen in a Heart of Darkness.”

“If I can do anything to help with that, I will,” he added. “I want to suffer the plight of the Wash. U. students by spending time in their shoes. I want to gag on the Kosher options of Bear’s Den. I want to be the armed guard outside a mosque—which we can build in the library—for our students to feel safe praying to Allah. I want to go officiate a gay wedding and administer the pills to watch them transition.”

“We might not be able to make this campus a safe, comfortable place for everyone,” he said. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t make it safe and comfortable for people like me.”