College, a word that screams “education” but also secretly (not really) promises the golden dream of midnight hangouts, constant Postmates orders and the infamous frat party. The latter can lead to some pretty interesting stories—and embedded in them is the truth of the inevitability of painstakingly awkward moments. With dark lighting and music, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment, and in this moment, the possibility of a hookup somehow makes a grand appearance into the room. The question then becomes, what actually is a hookup? With its notorious usage amongst college students, you would think this phrase would have a clear-cut definition—that when people say hookup, we all have the same thought in mind. But if you’re among this population of those who think this term is well-defined, I hate to tell you, but you’re wrong. The phrase has a different meaning to everyone—so much so that one Urban Dictionary user wrote as the definition for the term, “I have absolutely no idea anymore.” In other words, it truly is dependent on the person.

I was always under the impression that a hookup directly translated to no-strings-attached sex, like the kind that happens in almost every rom-com before they “accidentally” end up running into each other again at the coffee shop (aka the entire plot). Basically, to me a hookup was the equivalent of an—attempted—one-night stand. With this definition in mind, when friends tell me about their hookup experiences, I always incite questions implying that they did indeed have sex, and these questions are frequently met with dazed expressions, followed by another definition. To this group, hookup is defined more as “making out,” occasionally including oral sex (depending on the person) but lacking any form of penetrative sex. Now, it was my turn to be surprised. How could our definitions be so vastly different? But it isn’t the difference that’s important, but rather how this difference affects us.

A lot of us are familiar with the “just want to hook up, nothing serious” text. Some accept this with open arms, while others reject it completely and without hesitation, both of which are appropriate responses. But for those who choose to accept, the problem follows suit: Whose definition of a hookup? If one is thinking sex, and the other is thinking a make out session, it’s pretty clear that a problem is undoubtedly on the horizon. The snowball effect of miscommunication barrel rolling into an awkward moment—just imagine the possibilities—is something that can easily be avoided through redirecting your communication.

As terrible as it may seem, it’s simple, really, and imperative to the outcome of your hookup experience. When engaging in a dialogue about the situation, be confident in your convictions and say what you want. Knowing that the phrase is variably defined, make sure you have a talk with the person you’re hooking up with before it actually happens. It’s important for them to not only know your comfort levels, but for you to know theirs, too. This way, the experience can be generally enjoyable for the both of you and allow you to (mostly) avoid any awkward or uncomfortable contact that may ensue. It may not fix everything, but at the very least you can rest assured that your partner will know exactly what you’re up for and what you’re not, evading any possible miscommunication that may arise in claiming to want to just hook up.

It’s safe to say that the true definition of a hookup will forever remain a societal enigma and frustratingly so. But although it is mystery may never be solved talking it through with your partner will help. Communication is essential in every relationship, and hookups are no exception. So, communicate what you actually want to enable you and your partner to enjoy your experience to the fullest.