This week, Cocktail Corner turns our discerning eyes onto a whole new world. Not the one we discover with Aladdin and Jasmine, but the one of milk and cider. This is completely uncharted territory for the young college student who knows the difference between good beer and Natty Lite, but does not yet know which brand of cider to buy. Never fear, for there are answers ahead.

First, milk. Milk, as we hopefully know, comes from cows, unless you browse some strange organic store like Whole Foods where you might be able to find other animal milks. Soymilk is also an option. Alas, I am not a vegan, nor am I lactose intolerant, so I never found any reason to deviate from traditional milk sources. There are also many types of milk—whole, skim, and two percent being the most prevalent. Always go with two percent. Two percent is the Hannah Montana of milks. You get the best of both worlds—not too much fat, but enough to make it taste like something other than dirty water.

Milk can be served both chilled and warmed. To warm your milk, put it in a microwave-safe container and microwave it for 30-45 seconds. Do not boil your milk. You are trying to drink it, not cook noodles in it. For the best presentation, serve warm milk in sippy cups. This ensures that your guest won’t spill their drink, even if the cup is upside down. In fact, Cocktail Corner forever endorses the consumption of all cocktails in sippy cups.

Now we move on to cider and sparkling juice cocktails. There are many flavors of these beverages: red grape, white grape and apple “juice.” Your personal taste can take over here. If you don’t like grape juice, you probably won’t like it with bubbles in it. The official motto of Cocktail Corner is quantity over quality. Always. We’re college students, not French aristocrats. But never, ever eschew Welch’s Sparkling Cider for another brand’s. It’s basically the Heinz ketchup of ciders. And sparkling grape juices. And all those other delicious things you drink on New Year’s Eve if your parents obey the drinking age law. We suggest the sparkling white grape juice. It looks just like champagne, and is just as bubbly.

Happy drinking!

From Scene’s Opposite Day